10 posts tagged “scuba”

It'll come as no surprise or shock really.  The turkey had the gall to email her to inform her that he had decided that they shouldn't make a go of it after all.  After they'd already started... erm... catching up.  Scumbag.  Over email no less.  Poor form.

What's the worst way you've been dumped?  At least I've never gotten a postit note I suppose..  (referring to SATC) but being told at 11pm at night after no prior communication that something was wrong, by my then defacto, that he didn't feel we should live together any more after he'd been a total jerk for a while has gotta be up there along with my 'first's' comment "I've tried to love you but I just can't"

Well, an update for those who read regularly - GF & Scuba are going to try dating exclusively.  She's over the moon.  And had to smugly tell me I should trying doing the same with Angel.  :S  

He and I have wavered between flirting (what can I say, the guy is a god, despite his obvious relationship flaws, and he's been attentive lately while I've been in a man-drought but I know it's still not a good idea, because I've been hurt in the past etc) anyhoo wavered between flirting and him throwing his single status in my face in a totally blunt way.  Sometimes he knows me so well, others he does a very good impression of being an insensitive uncaring guy. 

Hi guys sorry I went MIA.  My computer was giving me nasty blue screens, then it was off for repairs.. lots of blue words down this end and not many normal ones resulted.

So meantime in the land of moia..

1. Crush on Gilligan dissipated and all but gone.
2. Angel was contacting me a lot wanting to see me, asking for my advice on his career, LISTENED to that advice and we caught up purely as platonic friends. 
3. GF disappointed me by standing me up for New Year's Eve.  She's re-connected closely with her old posse crowd for the time being and so I'm old news.  I kind of knew it was coming, we're still friends, but I don't consider her a close friend any more.  She calls me when she needs someone to talk to about Scuba. (The posse not being very understanding & all... neither am I lately!)
4. I've been given a decent pay increase, woohoo.  It makes the recent nutty mood swings and occasionally accusatory rants from bosslady which have been more frequent, bearable.  Every time she cops it for not having done something or her manager comes down on her... I can almost count the seconds til I am being snapped at for wasting time or something.
5. I've been told if I want to get a new job that is coming up, rather than have someone else more senior appointed to work with me, I need to do some further study.  EEK.  Financially, timeways, stressways, eek.  On the other hand... COOOL!!
6. I have another work crush.  Hopefully this won't be a pattern though.  Another really sweet tall nice guy. Cute.. friendly, sociable, no weird awkwardness.  I enjoy talking to him.  But so far I think he'll just end up being yet another guy friend.  He's a father of 2 boys, one 6 one 12 and split up from his ex partner I'm getting the impression, about a year or so ago.  It's not fresh but not ancient history.  Danger Wil Robinson.. DANNNGERR.
7. Angel sms'd me again tonight, asking to catch up.  Unluckily for him I ran into him last Fri night, drunk.  After I refused to take him home and mother his poor drunken ass, he went over to a bunch of girls after he thought I'd left and was hassling them. I was standing there watching him and it hurt a little.  Especially given his friends had just finished putting two and two together from watching him being overly physically comfortable with me like I was his girlfriend who he could be completely goofy and comfortable with, and they'd been cracking jokes about me taking Angel home to tuck him into bed, take care of him and give him a vomit bucket (he'd been drinking since midday).  I took my cue to leave and headed to an entirely different pub, where I was hit on by a guy who I tried scaring off (unsuccessfully).  "Cowboy" took my card and was determined to call me again.  Nickname refers to his name but won't divulge any more.  He's a builder who has just relocated from Sydney to this state.  We'll see if it was anything more than random drunken randiness.
8. I've come across some random acts of kindness and just genuinely nice people which have amazed me and cheered me up on a flat week a few weeks ago.  Must post about it more later.
9. I've made some new friends through work.  Girlfriends.  Both very different.. again fuel for a later post.
10. Mental note to self: get a debate happening on lost and found cash.  Would YOU hand it in?  I was strapped, have lost cash myself and mentally written it off as "ah well whoever finds it will hopefully really need it as noone will hand it in and how could they prove it was theirs!?"  so when a friend and I found $50 lying on the ground outside an open air venue.  I'd been financially struggling and she paid for my ticket and I was feeling awkward and embarassed about it.  She handed me the cash and shrugged it off saying "well there is noone around who we could ask if they dropped it and if we did of course they'd say yes!".  So what is your take on it...?  I still feel a bit weird.

heh heh.  GF asked me to go to see the latest Bond flick Casino Royale with her in Gold Class Cinema as Scuba had yet again totally upset her by sending a cruddy "I've met someone on Saturday, sorry can't see you any more and don't want you to go to my work christmas function either as she's sooo perfect I want to try to make this work.  HERE'S A PHOTO, SEE, SHE'S JUST SO SPECIAL HOW CAN I DO ANYTHING BUT DUMP YOU" kind of email.  I kid you not.  He was meant to have been going with her to the gold class movie as well, they'd booked it as a date last week.  What a ...nope I won't do it but you can imagine what I was thinking.  She had to step away from her computer upon reading that, to go into a meeting at work. 

SO we went to a nearby bar for a few wines and a gasbag and I tried to lighten the mood and silly things up to keep her mind off the recent shoddy behaviour of Scuba.  We then joined some of her posse at a nearby pub for a brief drink and that turned into a bunch of us deciding to go for dinner at an Indian restaurant.  YUMMY. 

We then had to fly out to the cinema for Casino Royale.  Yummy Yummy Yummy.  Daniel Craig is that his name?  I will be memorising it after seeing him also in Infamous on Sunday night at an outdoor cinema.  Yummy.  Masculine rather than this fad for wimpy "sophisticated" men.  rrrowrrl.  I liked that the movie had moved away from the cheesy stereotype into something a little more real while maintaining some of the hallmarks.  I'm sure some of the diehard fans will not be thrilled however.  GF fell asleep for a bit and quietly snored away to herself in her armchair til I woke her.  I think I got to bed around 12:45am.  THEN Max decides he's hardly seen me and needs to give me a welcome home present... a nasty big flying cocroach dropped at the foot of my bed.  Nice.  I had to get up around 2am to chase away a cockroach.

Well I was starting to think my friends had all failed to include me in their plans but now GF and I have plans to go out to a restaurant for a few bottles of wine in my fave little no quite city centre yuppy location near to a bar where we can always kick on afterwards.  GF has meantime been digging the boots in a little about how she feels that Angel is FAR worse than Scuba.  I've bit my tongue and wished her well that things appear to be going so well for her and Scuba. 

She's probably right though - he has his moments where he seems to care as a friend, but at others he's too busy being self absorbed.  Ironically they both warn me that the other is using me and I should blow them off.

Well for starters, another of the new guys from work, over drinks during lunchtime on Friday started acting odd, popping in to say hello but placing his hand at the small of my back in a very proprietory way and sitting next to me on the arm of my chair despite there being spare chairs available, leaning right into my side.  I wasn't comfortable with it.  It was flattering given my recent frame of mind, but it completely threw me as this guy might be a hottie but he's far younger, and a shortie and a total TOTAL player at least in his own mind and my manager even felt it necessary to airily mention to me that she suspected he was a player like I needed to be warned.  pfft.  If only she realised that it was the hopelessly sweet gawky guy who sits next to him who I'd been getting a bit giggly around.  Stallion (as a pisstake on his own outlook of himself) has been making a point of doing the whole overly charming oozing interest thing when I'm around but I hardly think I'm the only one he's behaved like this around either.  Shrugging it off though as a passing ego boost but something that was a little work-socially awkward and unnecessary of him to do.

GF and I decided to have lunch in a yuppyish suburb which I favour for things like like at the pub for.  It's been a georgeous day after a week of autumn rainy weather.  I don't know how hot it got to today, but they were predicting two days of 31 degrees celcius for today and tomorrow. 

So with the sun out and balmy we two decided to head out for some lunch and a chat.  I then suggested to her over the phone this morning while arranging it (meantime two guys were replacing my windscreen which had recently cracked), and suggested to her that we invite DarkHorse or Gilligan or both to join us.  I'm through thinking of those guys as anything but friends.  She was all for that so I called the two - DarkHorse had a tennis game to go to (every Sat at present apparently) and Gilligan was keen to go. 

Then just before I left home to go and meet them I get a call on my mobile phone from GF to tell me that she'd invited Scuba and was going to meet us there with him in tow.  Ooowee talk about the dynamic totally changing!

Scuba did his smoooth flirty style through lunch with a hint of too much cheek while I got a few zingers in at him because, let's face it, he's been breaking her heart every other week (though she allows him to).  But Gilligan, sweet, intelligent (VERY intelligent) thoughtful Gilligan was really not gelling in this situation, as GF, Scuba and I have all known each other for a while and Scuba is not anywhere near being called a prude, if anything, lascivious scoundrel would be a better way to describe him.  By comparison, the genuine but not charming Gilligan totally let GF throw out there a suggestion that she was letting me down for plans tonight as my "date" to an ex defacto's party without responding or popping his hand up to volunteer to go with me.  D'OH.  I think that said it all.  Just pals it 'tis then.

But in the sun drinking a few glasses of wine while waiting for a fresh nibble platter of sharing type food to come out, we had an absolute blast despite the screwed up dynamics.

SO I wiggled out of tonight's party .. my ex defacto (and friend)'s partner is having a 40th party tonight and I've skived out of it with a perfectly real excuse of sun-wine headache.

It's an unfair comparison to make, but GF and I have always had a similar relationship with two different guys which we used to compare notes on because the guys are fairly similar in the way that they conduct their lives.  Similar but not the same.

GF has known Scuba for about 8 years.  Since she's been back they've been in this passionately swinging relationship of love and hate.  They love each other, but he's out there chasing the holy grail of the perfect woman and GF's backbone scares him.  He swings between her and chasing some sweet more amiable pliable young thing in a perfect package.  Meantime he peppers her with sms's about how he just wanted her to know he's thinking of her, that he loves her, several nights in a row asks to see her, to go and share a bottle of wine on the beach watching the sun set, then before their date tonight (after spending last night together) he complains that he has had a tense day (said with a big theatrical sigh of woe is me feel sorry for me) as he heard from his long term ex (she left him when she found out he'd been on a dating site for at least 8 months and had been sleeping around on her), and it had upset him and he was jealous that she had to inform him that she was out dating again and had several dates.  THIS from the guy who GF was about to pay for gold class movie tickets to go and see a movie with after spending a romantic evening together the previous night.

The gall of it had GF spluttering but she sulked her way through the movie (having forked out a grand total of around $97 for the dismal date from hell), and exploded at him afterwards and he had the nerve to tell her she's moody and he can't handle her moodswings and made it all about her.  What an unbelievable JERK!

But because they do have a deep friendship bond, they wil continue to stay in touch (much to GF's friends' dismay) and after they've had a few spats where he'll tell her she's moody and childish, and she'll call him an insensitive jerk and all sorts of other things, their friendship bond will mend, and she will eventually be over the moon because he will have a momentary glimpse of sanity and wonder if he's missed what is right under his nose again for a second in a mood swing, and seems like he's finaly realising he cares when he next tells her he is getting counselling to get over some of his issues, and the cycle will continue. 

That was Angel and I for the first year and a half to two years.  The third year (just gone) has been more about friendship or mutually convenient companionship but he's still managed to hurt me occasionally - I've just learnt not to trust him or fall for him and joke-rebuff him into backing off whenever he tries getting schmoopy.  It's my best defense mechanism.

So I had another frustrated, teary call from GF who was furious to get the "hey I warned you of the space I was in right now" speech yet again after Scuba had been making all the right noises to indicate that his situation had changed this evening.  It makes me appreciate just how small time in similarity Angel is - in scales of wanker-ness Angel is only a few rungs up the ladder, bringing up the rear behind class A Mister Hippy trying to be in tune with nature and life and find higher meaning in everything including all women's vaginas Scuba himself.

Whether they're the Peter Pans in our lives, or the Mr Bigs, we each have to decide for ourselves.  I know GF's other female friends are heartily gutsick of hearing about Scuba letting GF down yet again.  He seems to have the knack for seeing the light just when she's managed to re-gain her faith that there might be a relationship out there for her or that she's receptive to one, and seems to either deliberately or subconsciously zero in on that mood ... or maybe she just tends to lean towards the devil she knows. 

All I know is, my devil, or Angel, whatever you'd like to call him, has hopefully taught me the value of the less confident awkward guy - there's less superficial playing games-ness about them.  Here's praying I've seen the light. I certainly don't think that either of them don't care about us respectively, but I think they use both of us if they thought they could, as a quasi relationship when not in one.  The safety net for their hearts and egos which they feel safe around.  It's insulting but also, there is some kind of weird bond where we know each other warts and all pretty damn well. 

I still won't let Angel wreck my ability to care, and about someone else if the opportunity arises, rather than about him in future.  

I sit here typing this though, wondering if I'll be strong though as I've already been getting flirty emails from Angel who arrived back from a trip interstate and sms'd me on Sat evening after arriving back in town.  I've been stupid enough to weaken in the past, for the sake of a beautiful body with smooth skin, and the comfort of a close friend to cuddle up to... but it ends in hurt or even tears depending how touch and self protective I can be so I'll try to maintain the status quo.  I once dubbed him Angel though as I got called in a very adoringly affectionate way one evening "his angel".  So it's been a bit of a giggle of a codename for me to use for him since.  

OO cue the perfect song, SnowPatrol's song that has come out recently "can't we just lay here.. and forget the world".  something like that even though it's not meant for these kind of situations, that song just makes me feel like they're singing about something that is impossible but the urge is there to steal one moment anyway.  The advert just came on tv for a second.

C'mon guys - fess up and make me feel a little less like the only person who has offered up their biggest flaw up on a platter.. (well, one of) .. surely each of you have at some stage made decisions which you've innately KNOWN were bad for you, but at the same time it still seems so good as to be worth it?

My latest puzzle... and I've been guilty of it too at times but still don't get it.  GF rang me this evening to have a cry about Scuba, her version of a Big, who had been kind enough to offer to include her in the posse of 6 women which he has been actively dating.  Scuba had been earbashing GF about it all, and even had the gall to tell her that she isn't as thin as he would normally be attracted to.  WHY is it that people are so attracted to the people who are going to treat them like dirt?  

It's like a sexual relationship version of lemmings!  Even DarkHorse, when I met him, was pining after a girl (FlightGurl) who has a problem with alcohol, pining after men who are bad for her, and treated him like a doormat meantime.  It frustrates me that he doesn't realise that I would've treated him like a king .. but then maybe that's not what he's looking for and really wanted to be treated badly.  *shrugging* I won't sit around pining for him otherwise I'm just as guilty of sexual lemming-ism.

My mission to myself: "I, Vixen, shall not give anyone the time of day if they aren't going to make a decent effort to get to know me and treat me well. In return I'll treat them so well they won't WANT to wander off anywhere else".  PHWAR... mental perve... watching a transition lenses advert when I glanced up and ended up admiring a very chiselled jaw.  jeez that reminds me..

GF gave me hell last Friday for being attracted to only very beautiful men.  Maybe that's my problem.  Turned by a pretty face when they usually have the massive ego to match.  Ok so let's add to that little mission statement.. but to be honest though, I really don't care if I go out with anyone for the time being.  Let's just see over the next 6-12 months how I do.  Meantime feel free to give your take on why people do the lemmings thing ok?  Because I'm stuffed if I can figure it out!

  "I, Vixen, shall not give anyone the time of day if they aren't going to make a decent effort to get to know me and treat me well. I will try to pay more attention to the guy who is shyer and not as overconfident in future. In return I'll treat them so well they won't WANT to wander off anywhere else". 

GF brought up a topic which all of us know, most of us won't acknowledge.  Her "Big", Scuba, had the hide to be open enough to admit to her that the reason why they'd never gotten past a certain point, was because he had a mindset that he'd only seriously date someone with a certain thinness of figure.  GF is NOT fat or even chunky.  She's just lost about 12kgs in the past year.  So I would've been personally incensed.  How dare he do that to her. But she did concede a certain point.  That even she has her set ideals of what she would or would not go out with.

If we think about it, we all do.  There are some things that we're just not comfortable with.  I say this, knowing full well that some people would find me to be outside their acceptable limits because I'm not slender and with a largeish chest I will NEVER be described as willowy - I have squidgy edges. This convo really cheered me up mind you (snort said sarcastically) but hey, it's a truth.  In my lower moments (pms) I've wondered if people like DH & angel keep their distance for much the same reasons.

I will say this though.  I have gone out with someone bigger than me before, and it wasn't an issue.  I still have my limits, but I'd like to think it's more based on interests and I do like to do go out and exercise (not recently but I do), and someone who is far more unfit than me would be unlikely to be able to share that interest. 

I had this conversation with GF today over lunch.  Her "Big" in her life has been having the hide to discuss the 4 women he's dating at the moment, before seriously asking her if she wanted to actually date him and really get to know each other being completely aware that each of them would be seeing other people until they sort out whether they're exclusive or want to be.  On one hand she's relieved he's finally "seeing" her in a different light but part of her was a little bemused and cynical about it given she's known him 8 years. 

Scuba as we refer to him, has even had the hide to show GF very private conversations between him and one of these women, who is under the mistaken impression that she is seeing him exclusively.  They've been out on about 8 dates, slept the night together at least 3 or 4 times, and he's joked with her about not ever "cumming" without him around as a joke.  Errr now he's fretting that she's expecting exclusivity despite the fact that he lied to her about what he did on Sat night - he was out on a date with one of the other 4.  So he has lied outright.

I see two issues.  The first one - what do you guys see as the point of no return - at what point is it safe to assume that you're on the same page without pressuring the other person to put a label on it - or should we be, and that you're actually getting the person's undivided attention and deserve some loyalty?  (feel free to comment as I'm curious).  To my way of thinking, if you've been dating someone, and sleeping with them, unless you've been very upfront that it's not exclusive, then it's a scumbag thing to do, to sleep with someone and continue to date/get to know them and connect, and do the same with other people.  At what point though, do you bring up that prickly conversation of "umm are we exclusive?" and risk the guy bolting for the hills?  I'd dearly love for that convo to come up before I'm sleeping with the guy, because to me, a physical connection shouldn't be used as currency to buy yourself into seeing more of someone but something shared with someone when you get to know someone and trust them.. but then the other side of me, the libido side, is laughing in my other ear saying "yeah right, best of intentions and all of that" and cracking up.

The second, that very very private emails are sometimes the first things that seem to get shown around like an instant snapshot exhibit into the relationship between people, a way for a girlfriend having a fight with her boyfriend over email to show the girls and say "is it just me?!  SEE this is the stuff he says which is just so hurtful!" or guys like Scuba, who act all puzzled and have a cry about women not being on the same page and being far more Clueless than I ever have been (snort that's saying something).  Is it wrong to assume that there is any kind of ethics between friends and that emails will remain confidential?  it all comes down to trust doesn't it!