9 posts tagged “men”

:) that phrase makes me smile - an ex of mine, Salty, hopped up and down on the spot in frustration while I was reading a really good book back when we were living together and I was hooked in the book. 

It's a bit of a private mental sulk that I'd not mention to anyone except a smattering of galpals in person - whaddya HAVE TO DO to get a bit of attention from the opposite sex - slap a flouro sign to my forehead "pay attention to me!"? It'd just be nice to have some genuine attention which isn't glued to my chest (no I don't put the girls out on a shelf to advertise before you ask).

*shrugging* in reality - if we're going to be honest, how can anyone else find me attractive when I'm not thinking of myself as that attractive.  It's not like on the scales I've gained  heap of weight.  It's the squidgy edges that are getting to me but my own fault. 

Look as much as I complain and pout about what's making me low at the moment, I AM always mindful that my loved ones are all healthy and happy, I have my home, I have Max and I have people who care about me and a steady income (even if things suck there at the moment despite enjoying the type of work).  So I won't be going off and eating worms anytime soon. 

Oh - thought you guys would find this amusing - my sister and brother in law are talking about trying to set me up with a friend of theirs.  Not a good sign when my sister describes him as loaded, seriously loaded.  That's not my thing.  I'd rather hear about what sort of person he is and I HATE being set up... it's never ever worked for me before, I'm very doubtful of it ever working.

As much as I'd kill for some attention, I realised something about a week ago, like really realised it.  I don't think I WANT to be in a relationship.  There are aspects I miss, but I don't miss it - I'm happy by myself and it's less of a rollercoaster of the giddy highs and miserable lows - and I'm reliant on myself for my own happiness - I know I know, even with someone that this should be the case, but c'mon... giving someone else any influence over that... it's bad enough having friends and sometimes family letting me down without giving a guy that power.  Man-hater though? DEFINITELY NOT!  ;)

SO I've done my homework, and my ultimate goal of a half ways decent place to buy for Max and I is a reality.  It almost cheered me up after an email from Angel (after a week of diffidence when I rejected an offer for a short visit...mhmm...no). 

The sheer insensitivity of it.  He was trying to cover himself as he knew a few people whom GF was sitting with at the pub last Friday (y'know.. the Friday we were all at peking duck and she'd piked as she had to work back *unimpressed face*).  He went up to chatter to a woman who I'll admit myself is strikingly wholesomely cute but tall and good looking.  I know her - she and I have been out drunkenly bonding before.  I really admire her.  Tall, slim bronze-limbed.  Your basic nightmare.  Well he's told me before he's worked with her before. Mhm.  But I had wondered when he hovered around to talk to her, whether there was something there but that night she told me that she was not interested in him in the SLIGHTEST and I drunkenly told her about my 'friendship' with him and how it confused me at times.

WELL, the email I got yesterday asked me if I still kept in contact with GF, and then went on to warn me that he had seen them on Fri night and that no doubt I'd get an earful.  I outright asked him over email if there was anything I should know which I'd prefer to hear from him rather than a smug GF.

Sure enough, he confesses that he was quite attracted to her back when he used to work with her.  Fair enough if he'd left it at that, I'd have been a little stung but happier that he'd been upfront. Instead he then went on about wanting to know if I had any gossip on her (grrr), whether she and I had talked about him and if so was it positive, and he then had the gall to twitter on to me about even IF she had felt any attraction for him how it would be difficult working in the same company, and how he's probably ruined his chances anyway and how he thinks she has a boyfriend and had the hide to ask me. 

I stood up for myself at this point and informed him he'd gone too far and I'd appreciate it if he didn't discuss her again with me because it was obvious he still had a very big thing for her and it stung given he apparently doesn't for me.  He then backpeddled saying he was only telling me to save me any grief from GF rubbing in my nose that he'd been talking with her.  I don't think I overreacted.  I felt pretty sick about it yesterday.  Of all people, one of GF's friends.  She'll just love that.  And has already told me that GoldenLimbed thinks of Angel as a past stalker.  Oh gee .. grreeaat.  :(  Pathetic as it was I actually felt low enough that I had a lump in my throat and had to have a bit of a bummed out skulk around the house last night.  I felt like I could've cried but the logical part of my mind kept saying "pfft is he WORTH tears? I mean, c'mon.. REALLY?"  He's been silent since I told him I wasn't so much jealous as hurt at him over-sharing to that degree.  I thought it was insensitive completely.

Needless to say, the "special friendship" is not feeling so special any more.  I really don't want to know him.  Part of me still pathetically wishes he'd come chasing to convince me that I've gotten it all wrong and he really feels... but that's just ridiculous after 3 years if it was going to happen it would've and to be honest I don't want him anyway as he has the social skills of a dead cactus.  But I'm still hurt/offended to be treated so out of hand like that.

How do I get myself into these situations?

I think I've referred to my latest office crush, as RogerRamjet at some stage out of a lack of a better tag...ok I KNOW it's lame but the big square jaw really does have a little of a resemblance.  He is a tall guy, good looking with a very strong jaw/facial features.  Myself, Tallfriend and another friend from work had met him at the pub one night and had all been flirting with him.  We were all adult about it there was no girlish competitiveness but it was pretty obvious that at least the other friend and I liked him.  As it later turned out, TallFriend who wasn't into him at all (this is past info to flesh out the story so bear with me), kicked on and kept drinking whereas I'd driven so I left (with my at the time quite tight budget) wondering whether those two would indeed hit it off or not given TallFriend prefers her men much rougher on the exterior and even a little less sweet/gentlemanly on the inside too.

Well, she later told me that they went from pillar to post with Tallfriend getting him talking to all the people in each place that they went to.  At the end of the night quite drunk, He took her back to his place to crash, they slept in the same bed but nothing happened other than a kiss.  She later told me it was a drunken thing only and she's not into him at all.  Uh huh.  Well they never exchanged numbers, didn't keep in touch, and after me checking out how they related a few times since at the pub, it's been casual friend-ness as far as I could tell but meantime the crush was all but gone so I'd not really thought about it much. Especially given she's picked up a few one night flings since then and some are still contacting her.

I arranged a group of people to go out to a nice 3 course peking duck dinner last night. She called me last minute to hint/hedge around me coming to get her rather than her getting a bus.  Of course when faced with that situation I offered to but it's the first time in a long time it really wasn't convenient - I didn't have the time and it would mean I was running late.  SO she wasn't driving.  And she'd need a lift home. 

When he arrived though, he sat next to me rather than her, and we had a one on one conversation for most of dinner.  Dammit.  He was nice, charming without being slimey, just a nice guy.  The crush started to revive a litle.  Towards the end of dinner, TallFriend had consumed her whole bottle of wine and was drunk again.  In a strange turn, I had competition for his attention and it was blatant.  At this spot in time, I wasn't going to be a silly girl and compete.  If he was interested he was, if he was into Tallfriend, that was his choice.  We headed to a nearby pub to order a drink and despite him edging away from her to put himself near me again when she tried to slip in next to him (whether he realised what he did I don't know but she was very aware of what she was doing - it was deliberate), she didn't give up and soon had him engrossed in one on one conversation.  After about 5 minutes of me being ignored by those two, and Eyore and her new beau trying hard not to jump each other completely (new relationship as yet unconsummated - and I'm completely thrilled for them) the evening was turning into hell for me as a 5th wheel - I just wanted to leave.  So did the new couple as you can imagine!  Neither Tallfriend nor Ramjet had noticed that I was feeling little left out and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but Eyore, new man and myself decided we would leave and leave them to it, so we did.  He was startled, reacted with a "what the??!" but agreed he'd drive her home.  Never let it be said I can't bow-out graciously.  Well not entirely but with some dignity.  I'm a little miffed with Tallfriend who rubbished on about not being into him but then thew herself at him later.  But hey, again, if he wasn't receptive to it, it wouldn't have mattered and that isn't something I can control.  I just wish she'd been more honest with me - and if she wasn't keen on him and it was a drunken whim then I'm really not too thrilled. *shrugging* eh boohoo get me a tissue, I'm over my sulk-rant now.     

UPDATE: I since spoke with Eyore to get her take on the turn of events on Friday as she's a very fair and level headed person and was there.  Even she said that TallFriend practically launched herself at Ramjet once she'd had a skinful.  TallFriend on Saturday, described herself as just being socially chatty/friendly and that there was nothing else between them, when she was sober and she hung around all evening despite my onsetting migraine and assignment to get done - I was too nice to say no and worried she'd take it as a petulant sulk about the turn of events from the previous evening.  I did try to be honest with her though and told her the old crush had half resurrected on Friday night but that I got the impression she was really into him so I left her to it to see whether there was anything between them and she again denied it and said there was nothing.  Eh who knows he mightn't be into me for all we know and the topic is redundant anyway - it just would've been nice to find out without that happening.  I still like her but I see her as a bit of a maneater similar to an old old friend, once referred to as FlightGirl and I forget what her last tag was since I moved to this blog.  I'm feeling dejavu and I hate it.  Am I wrong to half-like him given the scenario? She had previously even raved to me about how I should go out with him (which also has FlightGirl tones which is really quite scary - history repeating itself).  

It'll come as no surprise or shock really.  The turkey had the gall to email her to inform her that he had decided that they shouldn't make a go of it after all.  After they'd already started... erm... catching up.  Scumbag.  Over email no less.  Poor form.

What's the worst way you've been dumped?  At least I've never gotten a postit note I suppose..  (referring to SATC) but being told at 11pm at night after no prior communication that something was wrong, by my then defacto, that he didn't feel we should live together any more after he'd been a total jerk for a while has gotta be up there along with my 'first's' comment "I've tried to love you but I just can't"

I love the commentaries on this topic by NotSexAndTheCity's girls.  I've even adopted the term, given we have a very spacious stationery cupboard area which is more of a supplies room in size and a friend of mine and I joke (privately) about whatever hotties are located in our respective offices.  No harm in an innocent scenery crush on someone from work, is there?  :) 

SO, fess up guys.  Have you ever had a crush on someone in your workplace.  Even if you're attached and would never act upon it, you liven up and get more animated & chatty in the tearoom when you see them, or you find your eyes being drawn to have a discreet perve on them, knowing it won't go any further but it brightens the tedium of our days. 

C'mon we all do it don't we?  Or am I the only degenerate?  

If I'm completely honest, I've had the odd fantasy on occasion about some office hottie.  Not all the time and not fixating, but every 5 or so years I see someone around the office that sets off a little scenario in my head which is to me rather risque.  I'd never want it to actually HAPPEN but it certainly spices up my day a little. Or maybe it's just when I've not gotten any in ages and I'm out of batteries (eek sorry for the overshare!).

Oh and in Eyore news... she's been made redundant (given heaps of notice which is good) and is seeking another job.  She's being choosy - she's allowed to be, after all she has the time to be.  Meantime she's developed a crush on a new guy in the office.  They've been flirting but she's being cautious.

She's admitted she can be quite fussy about the men she'll go out with - even went so far as to admit that perhaps the kind of guys she's attracted to would possibly consider themselves out of her league. 

It's had me thinking... but after self examination, I know I can be turned by a pretty face or physique as much as the next person, but I dont get that selective about physiques or perfect features.  I'd prefer not to be seeing a pretty boy who has a god-complex and feels I should worship the ground that they've passed over.  But I can' help if I'm not attracted to certain features or looks.  What say you?  Do you guys think that we can all be a bit like this? 

Something I remembered yesterday and thought you guys would either laugh at my silliness or start to wonder just like I do, whether I'm jinxed.

How to put it into perspective.. I'll do a list in chronological order... see if you guys see a pattern in my lovelife so far.. said with amusement at myself, and it'll explain why anyone who I first meet who has major issues in their life at the time, will probably find a bargepole between us first..

1. The First ... in a few things.  Well he's about the only one who doesn't fit the pattern but for the hell of it I'll give a quick description.  A good looking still socially awkward, little weasel.  The whole time, his little brother was tapping on his bedroom door demanding to be let in.  No class, no skill for that matter.  He dumped me cruelly after getting what he wanted, with some speech about how he'd tried to love me but couldn't (later, I laugh to myself thinking "he was telling the truth in ways he didn't know at the time")  I outgrew him by the time he came crawling back and I ended up just laughing at the concept of him trying to come back into my life.
2. Ok.. so the pattern starts but doesn't fully develop.  My ex husband.  When we first met, a tall strong virile guy which a cheeky grin, and completely attentive.  I later found out his father had only recently gone to jail for some of the things that he had done, which the Ex was extremely messed up about.  The full story was never told to me until after the divorce papers were sorted out, and then I heard it from his sister.  Just after we started seeing each other, he was sacked while on workers compensation leave (injury on the job), and I supported him for a while financially (I was all of 17 and in love).  He joined the army, and we tried living happily ever after and almost managed it, except for my own young insecurities, not handling being away from friends and family too well (we had to relocate to the other side of the country at the tender age of 18 and 23), his inability to stay away from screwing up his finances and getting into debt despite my attempts to fix things and consolidate, and last but not least, his past issues. I should've guessed - anyone who had to hop into the shower IMMEDIATELY after sex each time and scrub himself down... I didn't realise it extended as far as it did though.  At the time, he understood my reasons for wanting to leave home (similar but not nearly as severe as his problems) and was my big protector.  There were some really happy memories there despite whatever problems there were.  The rest is a story for another time.  Again though, I think I've outgrown him these days.  But after I left, I cried myself to sleep for months and did a convincing impression of someone who was almost an alcoholic for a year and a half/two years. The phrase "til death do you part" bugged me a little.
3. Next LONG TERM relationship wasn't for about another 5 years or so.  A guy I met through work, shy, just broken up from his fiance', we started joking around (me trying to tease him into cheering up a little) and we caught up a few tmes for coffee and found that we could sit and chat for hours.  I later found he's quite good at doing that with lots of female friends and it meant nothing at that stage to him.  We did umm.. end up after a particularly late night playing chess,drinking red wine and chatting til 2am, sleeping together though.  Soon after, I had a dream that he was going to die in a car accident and it was that real, that I begged him not to drive in his job at all that day and to find an excuse to stay in the office.  He rolled his eyes at me but assured me that he had no plans to be out and about in the countryside in his work vehicle anyway so it was easy for him to keep me happy.  That night, his brother who was the spitting image of him only shorter and broader, was in a motorbike accident and was killed.  The next two or so years, we got more serious but I went through hell while he did. I was there for him, and he was no picnic but I adored him.  Too much.  I was far more attached than vice versa.  I think I was a friend who he cared about a lot, but a lot of it was feeling like he owed me something for being there for him (said in hindsight).  That one ended badly and took a long time to completely end.  There was a physical addiction between us that took a while to end.
4. Angel - not a relationship - I'm not foolish enough to tell myself it ever has been.  We started seeing each other, and he comes out with this tale of woe about his ex defacto who cheated on him and left him after living together with her son, for about 2 or so years and how he's not ready for a relationship.  I told him I was happy to be his platonic friend but that I didn't want to be earbashed about her (salt in the wound etc).  So friends it was, then a month or so later...well... there was definitely spark there that's all I'll say.  A month or so after that, he gets a call.  His father fainted one night and he was taken in for xrays the next day.  They found a shadow on his lung that extended all the way through to his kidneys.  Angel rushed to be with his father and mother who lived 4 hours away.  His father was put into a hospice within the week and died within two weeks.  Cancer.  I was with him through it - it was me that he turned to (me and his friend, Wifey).  I would get calls or sms's at all sorts of odd hours.  Croaking phone calls absolutely horrified and in disbelief telling me what he was going through.  When he came back, I got a drunken phone call that night after he'd been out boozing with his friends all night drowning his sorrows.  I picked him up, gave him a lift home to get him home safe, and stayed the night with him holding him while his tears ran hotly down his face and over my shoulder.  I cared more than I shouldve and really wasn't happy to be in the situation but wouldn't turn my back on him either.  Once or twice a week, it was similar for a while then I started to push back and tell him to get a cab home unless I was really truly worried about the state that he was in.  We didn't just catch up under those circumstances and sometimes after seeing him 3times in one week, it was a little hard not to be getting more attached than I should've been.  Then, one day I got wind that he had been seen out with someone else.  I was furious, hurt (understatement) offended, betrayed.  But he'd never actually given me anything to believe that we were in a relationship and the last thing I wanted was for someone to feel they should be with me out of any kind of guilt or IOU so I backed away didn't speak to him for a while and I've kept a whole heap of distance there since.. and rightly so, as I sometimes I get the impression from him that I'm not his idea of "perfect" and that messes with my self confidence.  We are friends.  He still tries to flirt but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him and at least he didn't just end up living with me because I was there for him - I wouldn't have allowed that anyway after my last experience.  He's still made me cry, though he's never seen it and I would never have let him.  Not for over a year or so though.
5. Chunky.. nicknamed that way for some long forgotten joke when he was younger in his family.  I met him about the time that Angel was trying gingerly to try to rebuild bridges with me after I found out about another woman.  I'd run into him in town (Angel) with two women at some pub while I was out with GF, and he was leaving the pub with them looking awkward after he waved a sheepish hello at me.  That night, out with GF, I said hello to an old guy friend of hers whom she'd told me emphatically she'd NEVER been with or had any inclination.  I'd met him once or twice before but we'd never had a chance to really talk but had kept staring at each other... something undefinable.  That night, we tiptoed around each other a little, flirting, chatting.. eventually at around 4am rather drunk, as GF described it, he launched himself at me.  Damn, all I can say is he is a really good kisser.  REALLY  GOOD.  GF meanwhile was mucking around with a guyfriend of hers who is married.  I stay out of those issues with her but she knows my thoughts where it comes to me personally (I'm against it).  Anyway, with GF immersed with her MarriedMan, my option to crash at her place that night was gone and Chunky was only too concilliatry about offering a place to stay - when I told him bluntly I wasn't going to sleep with him he was understanding and swore he'd behave.  Damn, Bailey's drenched kisses.  They're good.  About a week later, still seeing each other and he meets some girl who he used to know and sleeps with her then can't make up his mind between us.  I heard via GF who told me so I made up his mind for him, despite him still very obviously being attracted to me and following me around at a friend's bbq.  Around that time, his mother died of cancer. 
6. A guy around this time who I met off an internet site, chattng over coffee getting along reasonably well, when he tells me his mother is dying of  cancer.  It might be wrong, but after going through similar twice and being chewed up in the process, I freaked and wiggled out of catching up ever again with the guy.

Let's hope I learn from it all. 

Nope folks I'm not talking about anyone else.  Me, it's me.  I'm ashamed to admit it but I've been a hormone hostage in the past week or so.

It hasn't helped that a new woman in our small team when I tried to talk to her as one colleague to another about something that she'd butted her nose into (in my work which is none of her beeswax and she was dangerously close to treading on my turf but I was trying to be friendly), her response was to try to handle me in a shitty snarky way and inform me that I should trust her to know what she's doing as SHE has previous experience in HR (her role is NOT HR), and to leave her to it.  Uh huh.  Leave her to it to meddle in my work when she doesn't know what our company's systems and procedures are.  After her interrupting me all day and I'd been trying to be understanding and bite back the pms bile which was anger-rising in my throat, for her to scowl at me and angrily tell me to trust her and leave her to it like I am 5, I am surprised I didn't try to heave her out through my shattered office window and listen to the "aieeee" shriek all the way down.  Oh and to add insult to injury, this TEMP who has whinged to my boss .. demanded actually, that she wants her own office, well she's now pouting on about getting MY office and the infuriating part is that my manager is humouring her, despite this woman asking downright STUPID questions repeatedly all day Friday while I was trying to get a few urgent deadlines cleared and being repeatedly asked by my manager where i was up to and WHY was I not getting more done.

Oh oh! get this guys (oh dear this isn't going to become a rant ...reminding myself).. apparently I'm too approachable and I should be turning staff away when they have queries or need to talk to someone.  WTF?!!  it totally contradicts the job title really.  I feel like the MD has told my boss that we won't be getting someone else in despite NEEDING the help, and so boss is changing tactic and putting the pressure totally on me to do it all.  Uh huh.  Well guys, somethings gonna have to give, and today for the first tgime in a long time, I was checking out a job hunting site to see what else is out there.  The ONLY thing that prevented me from sending out a few feelers was the requirement for a formal qualification.  I had no plans to push for prior learning in the class which I'm doing now but now I'm kinda tempted to rush the quals side of things.

Meantime, Friday evening I went to the pub with some of the others for work for a quick drink after work. I needed it!  But rather than chilling out I was overly aware of a guy (can't even remember what I called him but he has this cute US accent, and sweet, nice guy easy convo..) who I'd had a semi crush on who was completely ignoring me.  Madam Muck was there too (oh that name will stick) and there was a weird dynamic happening.  My brother showed up, we nicked off to go and see Ghost Rider (total crap Eva Mendez pouted her way through the movie) but I'm ashamed to say that on the way back to my car, a woman who was chain smoking like a chimney went to get into the lift with me, and when I hit the close button she quickly stubbed it out before dashing into the lift (the whole area near the lifts as well, are non smoking mind you).  She turned to me and said in a muttered aside "I could just smack you out in the lift on the way up!".  I'd had it and this scruffy thing copped the brunt.  I whipped around and fiercely told her "F I N E.. TRY IT" and glared.  She withered under the look and said "no that's ok" but I'm ashamed to say I was that fuelled up on fury I took it out on her and repeated the offer, staying in the lift despite us reaching the floor we were both on (d'oh!).  She must have realised what I thought she said (yes folks it really does get that bad) and turned around and said "I SAID 'I could always SMOKE you out in the lift' " ... which was still a rude threat but not the implicit threat I thought it was and it made me feel rather small and like a complete bully in an instant. 

SO, when driving past her car as she was trying to get in I tried to apologise but the poor girl scrambled to get her keys in the lock and did not look up.  Uh oh.  Scary Bitch: 1  Smoking Hag: 0.  But I'm far from proud about it.

This week I've tried to avoid everyone but I'm finding it's not just PMS.  The situation at work where I'm now being set up in a desk environment which will have me looking like a HR Dpt personal assistant rather than HR Officer and an equal with the other ladies.  That, and losing my office with the view of the river so a prima donna who has "confidential work to do" and needs her own shutting office (again, WTF!! as opposed to...?  salary data?...terminations..? wtf..) can have my office.  Well I'm not happy - that and being crapped on because the MD has chosen not to get in another HR Officer so the pressure is mounting to become as busy as I was towards the end of last year when I almost ended up in tears a few times... nuh uh not happy.  I refuse to volunteer up my personal time more than half an hour/hour tops any evening, if I'm only going to get taken for granted and crapped on because of limited resources.  I work my butt off, work through lunchbreaks and ALWAYS work more than my paid 8 hours, but the lack of appreciation is a silent but large invisible flag waving around my desk at the moment.

Meantime, PMS is heightening it, and a certain amount of crabbiness that even Angel hasn't bothered to say anything to me other than "wow xyz shares are up!" in a one sentence email all week.  The reason?  his bestest buddy who I once jokingly referred to as Wifey, is back in town for the week.  His friend who tried to meddle in our friendship.  mph.  i've backed away reasonably successfully from my friendship with GF.. that HAD to happen.

Caught up with the Hippies in the Hills (that tag said with love and warmth not derogatorily), some of the warmest hearted people I know.  I dragged a recent new friend, a lady who makes ME feel short (no mean feat, given I'm 5ft 10.5 inches tall), older than me who temped at our work for a short time.  I'm searching for a tag but it escapes me - she has the knack of being able to go up and talk to any person any time at the pub.  She collects phone numbers from single men every night - all whom she never plans on calling.  But she has no ego about it so I can't hate her for it. It was fun to share one of my sets of really cool couple friends with one of my cool single gal pals.  I don't share them much as I don't get a chance to mingle the two worlds really .. my couple friends usually have their own couple social plans so I don't tend to invite them to join us on a Friday night. It's a shame, as some of them really are the jewels in my friendship crown so to speak and I treasure them.  No pretenses, no bull, good hearts.

Sounds melodramatic but you'll see why.

• GF celebrated her birthday on Thursday.  The friend who i used to share every thought with.  It has now down graded into her ringing me a few nights before we were all meant to be going to see the rugby on Thurs night, and she repeatedly offered for me to bow-out if I wanted to, saying that she could easily find another taker for my ticket. Hmm after the not so subtle hint a few times as well as her pointedly telling me that this new bestest buddy of hers is going, I finally gave her the out that we could catch up some other time.  She still pushed for me to go and join her at her birthday drinks with some people from work briefly on Thurs and after work before the game.  I felt like a complete outsider. I brought her a card only as we'd agreed I'd take her out for a movie today as my gift to her.  SO, one of the women who I'd met through her a few times asked why I hadn't gone to her 40th the weekend before.  I was taken offguard and replied "because I wasn't invited??" she looked annoyed/perplexed and said, "well, you were certainly invited..." in plain text, GF didn't let me know I'd been invited and deliberately avoided telling me whose 40th she was going to when I spoke to her a week ago.  Bup-Boww.  To me that's a fairly huge point.  As they were leaving she even forgot that I wasn't joining them or that I was there and almost left without saying goodbye.  She gushed to cover up and told me she'd call me today to sort out the movie.  No phone call.  I've been passed out with a migraine so I had a real reason for not calling her, but also the last thin on this earth that I felt like doing was taking her out for a movie or paying any more attention to her.  She'll put it down to rivalry with this new bestest buddy, but it is her own actions that have killed the friendship completely for me. She even once admitted to me that she likes surrounding herself with beautiful people.  It's such a shallow outlook and I'm not liking the side of her that I've been seeing.
• Angel came over for dinner Thurs night.  It was uncomfortably hot, and my place does not have airconditioning.  It was comfortable between us in some ways but there were awkward silences where we both wondered whether we'd end up in bed, but I didn't particularly want it to head in that direction after the last time I saw him.
• Cowboy didn't call.  A little disappointing, it was a real buzz to be pursued like I was when I met him.  It was obviously a drunken whim that dissipated when he sobered up.