15 posts tagged “friendship”

Miss False, prior to a year ago, I'd seen her only twice. She had "transferred", dumping me after bonding with couple-friends of mine (far more convenient and appropriate for Miss False obviously)... Miss False I'll dub her because she strikes false to me at the moment, almost cold. 

So the two times I'd seen her twice in the past 2 nearly 3 years:

Once babysitting for her while she was heavily pregnant so she and her hubby could go out for one last dinner before the second bub was born.  She went into labour that very next morning/partially that evening when she got home but she thought it was indigestion. 

The next time I see her due to a series of things which stopped me from seeing her in hospital, was at Transfer Friend's girls' night to celebrate her birthday, about a year & a half later. I had rung her, sms'd her and emailed her and never got a response.  That night, we got along well enough but I'd been hearing all night about how that 4some were constantly catching up, dinners etc.  Nice.  I'd not even gotten a CALL.  Miss False gushes on about how we should catch up again blah blah.  Obviously I was a little reserved but agreed we should catch up if nothing else for the sake of not being rude.  The next morning at Transfer Friend's place, Miss False is as crook as a dog, throwing up constantly and can't drive the 45 minutes home in the wrong direction from my place.  I still offered to drive her home. I drove her home, she settles into a bath without so much as a thank you and I waited an hour while her hubby rang a district nurse to check what medications she could take and still breastfeed her baby.  More like an hour and a half.  But I understood.  It was my Sunday, I'd stayed the night at Transfer Friend's and was itching to head home for a shower and to change, it was about 1pm by this stage but I waited.  Miss False's hubby needed me to drive him back up there to pick up their second car.  I did it (another 45 min trip).  Dropped him off after loaning him a cd, and headed for home (another 45 min trip).  I got home around about 2:30/3pm and most of my weekend was gone. 

Well, I heard nothing from them since despite hearing yet more stories of the 4 of them all catching up for dinners, and bonding in all sorts of social situations.  I was hurt, offended and angry.  Not to mention I wanted my cd back and felt they should call me to initiate the return of it under the circumstances.  NOTHING.  Another year goes by and after hearing through friends how Miss False had sniped to everyone that I mustn't have time for her with being busy in my single life.  I was starting to seethe a little.  I see her at Transfer Friend's next girls' night.  Uh huh.  She pipes up just after walking in, acting defensive and saying a bit self consciously "oh hello stranger, long time no hear!" with a sarcastic edge.  The rest of the girls there fell silent.  I was trying to tell myself not to create a scene.  But I did say in a rather lazy amused voice "that's funny, the last time I saw you was a year ago tomorrow, when I drove you home while you were sick remember? I haven't heard from you SINCE".  That shut her up.  Meantime Transfer Friend is gushing on about all their social catchups.  Miss False gushes on about how we should catch up (surprise, it's the modus operandi).  Nearly a year ago now.  Nothing. So flash forward to this past week, sure I was furious when Miss False wants to try to meet with and bond with my sister after hearing through Transfer Friend that she had been invited to my sister's place for a girls' night.  Didn't it strike her as odd that I'd not invited her, myself?  No it shouldn't have done given we'd not been in contact and frankly I didn't want the friendship after all that muck under the bridge.  She didn't even have the balls to call me to arrange an invite to my sister's place herself. 

Transfer Friend had commented to me in the past (which was really bitchy and I'd not bought into it myself) that Miss False is too impressed by shows of wealth and liked to bignote her friends with wealth and influence.  So I'm seeing all kinds of reasons why after 3 years of silence she'd want to drag herself along to my sister's place, but none of those reasons anything to do with me or our now deflated friendship.  I know I'm giving this all far too much thought, but when people act in such a disappointing way it really really bugs me.  I used to think of Miss False and her husband as good friends.  Not close but good friends.

I've been invited to go to the next girls' party of Transfer Friend .. I'm thinking of finding a reason not to go and leave them to it rather than be tempted to call the other girl out if she tries to gush on again.  It's just getting too uncomfortable any time she doesn't call a spade a spade - she should either let it go or put in the effort, she annoys me further even though I shrug it off as her feeling guilty.  If she had just shrugged it off as us drifting apart fine. 

I'm lucky to have much more genuine friends in people like TallFriend, Transfer Friend herself, Copfriend and others.  Once I've moved house I need to reconnect with everyone who I've not seen for a while and refresh connections with the people who I do care about.  I've been feeling a bit isolated with house, work & study stuff and I'm sure the absence isn't appreciated by my friends.

Chefgurl came to town about a week ago, she's doing well, broke up with the guy who she was more or less living with but is still running the business which they'd originally bought together.  Country life suits her she seems so happy.  Eyore is eyore in name only now since she met this great guy who worships her.  They fight occasionally but who doesn't.  She's now immersed in her relationship life and doesn't make the effort to call me back or keep in touch now as much, until they argue then I get the late night phone call.  I'm hoping they come up for air once the honey moon period is over and I can see her more often.   Im happy for them I just miss the friendship I've lost touch with since she dropped off the planet.

I swing between occasionally getting disappointed by people and wondering if perhaps I'm doing something wrong in my friendships.  I know i can get a bit hermit-like when I'm stressed, but it's only because I don't want to be a wet dishrag and pass on the 'joy'.  I guess i can't be responsible for others' actions only my own and keep going on that basis.

I know I sound a bit neurotic, but my friendships mean a lot to me.  I see them as family and care about them.  To be let down by them hurts.  I just hope I don't let them down though - I try not to.  Yep I am hearing myself, I need to get a life again.  Once the house stuff is sorted and I've gotten a bit more ahead in my studies, give it the 2 weeks' hols and hopefully things will be on a more even keel.  But the amount of my energy that my work takes out of my life at the moment is not healthy either. 

With 2 weeks hols, expect a much cheerier posting person.  :)  At least I hope so.  Pics of the new place (which I'll warn you upfront, needs work) are to follow.  Max won't know himself when he can go outside.

Well it's less than a week now until I move house.  The final inspection of my current place has come and gone and it's all been successful.  It's surreal that this time next week I'll be in my new place. I'm excited & nervous - I loathe moving.  The new place doesn't have a bath so I'll have to make the most of this one before I go.  It's going to be a sharp turnaround time for moving - the keys for this place are legally due at the same time the keys are due for the new place.  I've booked a removalist for Sat morning at 9:30am.  I'm PRAYING they show up on time - but removalists never do *BIG WINCE*

Angel-Weariness.  What to say.  I care about him, sometimes too much and my defensive walls feel like they're crumbling.  Spending time with him makes me feel good at the time but seems empty of any substance later but I don't have any time to meet anyone more real - real meaning more really 'there' rather than on a whim.  Sometimes I think he cares, other times I think he's a player.  Luckily it's never been an issue because he doesn't seek any kind of commitment beyond assuming we'll see each other once a week.  It's disappointing & hurtful that he doesn't show interest in my life beyond a certain level, (he's never once really asked me with great enthusiasm ANYTHING about the new place which is a pretty huge thing in my life).  But not too hurtful and certainly not surprising after 3 years.  He seems to see me as "his" somehow on some kind of comfort/taking for granted level but likes to chase when I back away.  It's nice for now but he doesn't own me - he could win my whole heart if he tried properly but he's never tried and not likely to (I wonder if hell is feeling frosty)  He'll quite possibly find that out the hard way that he doesn't own me.  Right now I'm off the whole thing all together.  If I'm lonely again I might weaken.  I hope not though - I'm not proud of the situation and I do NOT want to be a doormat. 

So, onto cheerier topics, I'm away from work for 2 weeks.  It took working til 7 at least 3 or more nights over last week but I got nearly everything together well enough for my boss to take over the reins and prearranged a heap.  I was also told, disappointingly enough for me anyway, "you'd best make sure not a THING is out of place or there'll be hell to pay when you get back" (in a nutshell slightly differently worded but that was the gist).  I worked my ASS off.  If it's not in order, tough.  Then it comes down to the amount of work.

I'm fighting a cold, first day of ...well let's just say a severely sore abdomen woke me up (sorry lads for the overshare and I'm keeping this anonymous) woo this week of packing boxes is going to be "schpecial" to be facetious. 

I'm happy though - stressed from house move, being behind in my online studies.. but I'm good. i need more of a social life back (and to meet NORMAL guys perhaps) but for the time being, house move, study, and family have ruled my life.   They are my own goals though.  

Ok the title was more to get your attention and to invite comments. 

Example.  JNL had me over for dinner on Sat night along with two of her other girlfriends.  When one girlfriend was out of the room, JNL was sniping and rolling her eyes in disagreement with that friend's parenting methods.  When the other girl left later, JNL was sniping to the former recipient about how this person's photos their wedding weren't good enough and that the recent departed person had been more concerned with her appearance than about taking the photos.  mph 

Also during the night JNL got a fair few jabs in at the latter recipient about things that were obviously peeving her.  I'd not have put up with it. 

I'm disappointed.  JNL boasts about "giving good friendship" but to me that sort of thing isn't good friendship.  Perhaps I don't gush and fuss s much as she puts on, with friends, but at least what people see and get is GENUINE.  So where is the line between having a difference of opinion on things, and bitchiness really?  The first recipient (the parent) did do a lot of things that to most people probably wouldn't agree with but I wouldn't see the necessity to discuss what I thought with people who know the person.  jeez. 

Between her and GF, I'm wondering if the common factor is me and I'm just not tolerant enough to people's foibles and I'm not exactly an angel myself. 

So where do you draw the line on bad behaviour in friends? especially close ones or ones you've known for YEARS. ?

Well, JNL got married.  It was a beautiful ceremony on the beach at around 4:30pm, it drizzled slightly which is meant to be good luck and a rainbow came out right behind them for our benefit, it was georgeous.  She looked beautiful, and all her friends were barefoot on the beach with her.  Sure enough she was a little moody and had been while fretting about whether it would rain, and his parents showed up late (which was to be expected - I think his mother cannot STAND that JNL has so much hold over her new husband, and tries to cause rifts wherever she can) but JNL was glowingly beautiful, and all of her friends were out in force on the beach, despite the 4 ish hour drive to get there and the overnight stay.  Needless to say though, I didn't wear the frock she'd been pushing for me to wear to the wedding.  I'm just far too stubborn.

The pleasant surprise too was that the friend of hers whom i was giving a lift down with me turned out to be someone other than who I thought it was (I'm terrible with names..*WINCE*) and she and I have a fair bit in common.  it was a really nice and pleasant trip down listening to her cd's of 80's movie soundtracks for the sheer dorkish fun of it.  By the trip back I was singing along to some of it with her. 

The reception on Sat night was canapes, and LOTS of wine/champagne.  No sooner were our glasses emptied but they were full again.  I was staying with bub sis and her husband in their "modest" little 4 bed 4 bath place on the beach with 8 person spa.  I never got a chance to check out the spa,or the masseusse when he came by as I didn't leave much room for getting ready as well as getting nephew hugs before I had to bolt for the wedding. 

I had to fend off JNL's young brother, in his early 20's, who considered himself somewhat of a Don Juan - mistakenly!  He even assured me he's been out with women as OLD has 33.  I just smiled with amusement and told him I was still out of that age bracket.  I didn't see the need to be mean about it.  He was seriously the only single male there other than her other brother who is even younger. YEP.  The girls were all great, except for one of JNL's old friends who I thought I got along well with, who was just plain sneery and snide.  I have NO idea why but her attitude really bugged me.  She's such a negative wet blanket at the best of times however, so it isn't much of a loss but it was puzzling.

So the night was messy. Fun.  Dancing.  Lots of silliness.  Apparently the other guests in the exclusive resort where the two got married, had complained about the noise and the disruption.  Boohoo- JNL wasn't going to tone it down for anyone!  How strange to think that the friend who about 13 years ago, I had a dream about seeing her get married on a beach but could not tell her with whom, or what the guy looked like,  When I first met her guy he was with someone else and at the time I joked with her - oh boy keep him away from JNL - he's JUST HER TYPE!  I'd known her long enough and well enough that I knew she'd see him and her eyes would go huge.  Little was I to know though just how that story would pan out.  He was with another friend of mine at the time and they were both good people but made each other miserable - just didn't gel relationship-ways and the more they got unhappy the more they made each other unhappy which was a shame and sad to see happen.  He's so different now with her, that it was obviously just the difference of personality type which suited his personality.  Who'd have thunk that just this past weekend I'd be standing on the beach watching them pledge their lives to each other with their little boy crowing in the background.  I certainly had NO idea of it when I met him.  I hope his ex finds just as much happiness with someone who complements her just as well.

I still feel like she and I have drifted apart.  It's a shame - and they have a fabulous group of friends all very tightknit, but I don't like being pushed around and I get that from her a little even if she means well in her own way. 

Nephew1 was in fine form, he went into hysterics when I tried to pick him up to keep him out of the road in the kitchen while my sister was preparing breakfast.  Anyone would've thought I was trying to murder him.  Oh and hungover this morning I crawl out of bed, go downstairs to drink some water and wake up to a plaintive "MIIICCC"  (it's what he calls me) from upstairs.  Too cute.  the yells kept going until he saw me and started to natter on about toys and showing me around the two story "beach cottage".  So my sister invites me to sit in the massage chair located in the master room of this place (one of the perks) and to switch it onto the morning massage.  I did, and the individual leg holders grab hold of my legs and squeeze and don't let go and the chair starts pounding my back vigorously like I was meat to be tenderised!  My nephew thought it was a hell of a giggle to hear his disgruntled hungover aunt mutter in vibrating tones from the chair "will this thing let go of my leggggssss any time soonnnnnnn?"

JNL & party met up at the resort where they are staying for breakfast this morning (a bloody well overpriced breakfast given they lost my orde and took over half an hour to bring it out, at $27 for 2 eggs florentine on english muffin halves!).  Whoopee so I got to nibble on cold eggs florentine at the place where Cameron Diaz is rumoured to be staying while she accompanies Kelly Slater (the surfer) during some kind of Surfing Masters.  Uh huh.  It still took them about 40 minutes to feed me while I watched others stuff their faces from the breakfast buffet, while I starved with a hangover and they were even cruel enough not to bring me my latte for another 15-20mins after that.  But finally stuffed full of caffeine and my FAVE breakfast of choice, we headed on our way home so that J and I could each go home to get some housework done before getting back into the daily grind. 

Now imagine.  I have a 1/4 of a tank of fuel and 2 more hours of driving to do at 110kmph.  We narrowly miss one turn off for a petrol station thinking that it was a sign directing us to turn down a road and drive say 10-15 k's and I wasn't interested.  D'oh it turned out to be a roadside one that trees obscured until we'd driven past.  So we drive for another 20 minutes or so and have decided by then we really need to stop at the very next petrol station.  We see another sign pointing off to the left (after having passed at least 2 dead kangaroos on the side of the road - Aussie motorists wince - not at the national symbol so much as the evidence of the dangers to driving on Australian roads right by the roadside...they cause quite a few serious car accidents and don't usually leave the car very driveable afterwards). 

SO back on track sorry, we see another petrol station sign and with a bit of a sigh of relief & reluctance both as we were making good time but really didn't want to pull off at the same place where these idiots in a 4wdrive vehicle ahead of us were turning (the driver kept waving his arm around in the air rushing past, as he was driving - it seemed like a gesture to overtake him but it wasn't and it was so distracting and annoying we were debating finding a rolled up newspaper to overtake and swat the arm with).  So we take the same turnoff, rapidly realising it is one of those "short roads leading off the main one to a petrol station".  After a good 25 minute drive off the main road to the never evident petrol station, and lots of vacant road, bush, dead roos and Mister Arm Guy, and we're laughing at the sheer idiocy of it but I was silently cringing to myself too at the wasted fuel given we were down to a 1/4 of a tank.  SO we turn around and leave ArmGuy to it and head back to the main road, snorting at the "slight detour" as what else could you do.  Wouldn't you know it?  About 8 minutes down the road, there is a decent truck stop.  We fill up, grab some water & head on our way still bopping along to all the tragic 80's music and comparing notes on fave tv shows (Grey's won with both of us).

So a tiring drive back and I got home (still running on only 6 hours sleep and suffering still from a slight hangover) and my brother wants to pop by.  He's in LURVE and itching to tell me but not wanting to admit it and as cute as hell over it.  I roped him into helping me put my new outdoor table together with me (tempered glass top) we sat and chatted a bit longer then he left.  i've since done 2 loads of laundry, hung it all out, watered the back lawn, the garden, done some dishes, put away everything that was in my bags, cleared up some cluttered paperwork lying around, had a shower, fed Max and fussed over him and now I'm stuffed. 

Dammit tonight is a Greys Anatomy repeat.

Oh, and the shares that my bro in law gave me as a gift, have more than gone 5 x up what they were originally worth - woohoo! 

How do I get myself into these situations?

I think I've referred to my latest office crush, as RogerRamjet at some stage out of a lack of a better tag...ok I KNOW it's lame but the big square jaw really does have a little of a resemblance.  He is a tall guy, good looking with a very strong jaw/facial features.  Myself, Tallfriend and another friend from work had met him at the pub one night and had all been flirting with him.  We were all adult about it there was no girlish competitiveness but it was pretty obvious that at least the other friend and I liked him.  As it later turned out, TallFriend who wasn't into him at all (this is past info to flesh out the story so bear with me), kicked on and kept drinking whereas I'd driven so I left (with my at the time quite tight budget) wondering whether those two would indeed hit it off or not given TallFriend prefers her men much rougher on the exterior and even a little less sweet/gentlemanly on the inside too.

Well, she later told me that they went from pillar to post with Tallfriend getting him talking to all the people in each place that they went to.  At the end of the night quite drunk, He took her back to his place to crash, they slept in the same bed but nothing happened other than a kiss.  She later told me it was a drunken thing only and she's not into him at all.  Uh huh.  Well they never exchanged numbers, didn't keep in touch, and after me checking out how they related a few times since at the pub, it's been casual friend-ness as far as I could tell but meantime the crush was all but gone so I'd not really thought about it much. Especially given she's picked up a few one night flings since then and some are still contacting her.

I arranged a group of people to go out to a nice 3 course peking duck dinner last night. She called me last minute to hint/hedge around me coming to get her rather than her getting a bus.  Of course when faced with that situation I offered to but it's the first time in a long time it really wasn't convenient - I didn't have the time and it would mean I was running late.  SO she wasn't driving.  And she'd need a lift home. 

When he arrived though, he sat next to me rather than her, and we had a one on one conversation for most of dinner.  Dammit.  He was nice, charming without being slimey, just a nice guy.  The crush started to revive a litle.  Towards the end of dinner, TallFriend had consumed her whole bottle of wine and was drunk again.  In a strange turn, I had competition for his attention and it was blatant.  At this spot in time, I wasn't going to be a silly girl and compete.  If he was interested he was, if he was into Tallfriend, that was his choice.  We headed to a nearby pub to order a drink and despite him edging away from her to put himself near me again when she tried to slip in next to him (whether he realised what he did I don't know but she was very aware of what she was doing - it was deliberate), she didn't give up and soon had him engrossed in one on one conversation.  After about 5 minutes of me being ignored by those two, and Eyore and her new beau trying hard not to jump each other completely (new relationship as yet unconsummated - and I'm completely thrilled for them) the evening was turning into hell for me as a 5th wheel - I just wanted to leave.  So did the new couple as you can imagine!  Neither Tallfriend nor Ramjet had noticed that I was feeling little left out and I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but Eyore, new man and myself decided we would leave and leave them to it, so we did.  He was startled, reacted with a "what the??!" but agreed he'd drive her home.  Never let it be said I can't bow-out graciously.  Well not entirely but with some dignity.  I'm a little miffed with Tallfriend who rubbished on about not being into him but then thew herself at him later.  But hey, again, if he wasn't receptive to it, it wouldn't have mattered and that isn't something I can control.  I just wish she'd been more honest with me - and if she wasn't keen on him and it was a drunken whim then I'm really not too thrilled. *shrugging* eh boohoo get me a tissue, I'm over my sulk-rant now.     

UPDATE: I since spoke with Eyore to get her take on the turn of events on Friday as she's a very fair and level headed person and was there.  Even she said that TallFriend practically launched herself at Ramjet once she'd had a skinful.  TallFriend on Saturday, described herself as just being socially chatty/friendly and that there was nothing else between them, when she was sober and she hung around all evening despite my onsetting migraine and assignment to get done - I was too nice to say no and worried she'd take it as a petulant sulk about the turn of events from the previous evening.  I did try to be honest with her though and told her the old crush had half resurrected on Friday night but that I got the impression she was really into him so I left her to it to see whether there was anything between them and she again denied it and said there was nothing.  Eh who knows he mightn't be into me for all we know and the topic is redundant anyway - it just would've been nice to find out without that happening.  I still like her but I see her as a bit of a maneater similar to an old old friend, once referred to as FlightGirl and I forget what her last tag was since I moved to this blog.  I'm feeling dejavu and I hate it.  Am I wrong to half-like him given the scenario? She had previously even raved to me about how I should go out with him (which also has FlightGirl tones which is really quite scary - history repeating itself).  

Sounds melodramatic but you'll see why.

• GF celebrated her birthday on Thursday.  The friend who i used to share every thought with.  It has now down graded into her ringing me a few nights before we were all meant to be going to see the rugby on Thurs night, and she repeatedly offered for me to bow-out if I wanted to, saying that she could easily find another taker for my ticket. Hmm after the not so subtle hint a few times as well as her pointedly telling me that this new bestest buddy of hers is going, I finally gave her the out that we could catch up some other time.  She still pushed for me to go and join her at her birthday drinks with some people from work briefly on Thurs and after work before the game.  I felt like a complete outsider. I brought her a card only as we'd agreed I'd take her out for a movie today as my gift to her.  SO, one of the women who I'd met through her a few times asked why I hadn't gone to her 40th the weekend before.  I was taken offguard and replied "because I wasn't invited??" she looked annoyed/perplexed and said, "well, you were certainly invited..." in plain text, GF didn't let me know I'd been invited and deliberately avoided telling me whose 40th she was going to when I spoke to her a week ago.  Bup-Boww.  To me that's a fairly huge point.  As they were leaving she even forgot that I wasn't joining them or that I was there and almost left without saying goodbye.  She gushed to cover up and told me she'd call me today to sort out the movie.  No phone call.  I've been passed out with a migraine so I had a real reason for not calling her, but also the last thin on this earth that I felt like doing was taking her out for a movie or paying any more attention to her.  She'll put it down to rivalry with this new bestest buddy, but it is her own actions that have killed the friendship completely for me. She even once admitted to me that she likes surrounding herself with beautiful people.  It's such a shallow outlook and I'm not liking the side of her that I've been seeing.
• Angel came over for dinner Thurs night.  It was uncomfortably hot, and my place does not have airconditioning.  It was comfortable between us in some ways but there were awkward silences where we both wondered whether we'd end up in bed, but I didn't particularly want it to head in that direction after the last time I saw him.
• Cowboy didn't call.  A little disappointing, it was a real buzz to be pursued like I was when I met him.  It was obviously a drunken whim that dissipated when he sobered up.

I don't have a clue for a title as yet. 

Christmas was quiet - only mum and dad both came over to my place, the others were scattered around at other extended family events. Boxing Day the nucleus of our family got together at my sister's place for a belated Christmas lunch.  It was fun - my brother and I blew up an inflatable set of goals and a soccer ball which was also a flimsy inflatable ball and we started booting the ball around my sister's formal loungeroom much to our nephew's delight, who swung between shrieking and running around overexcited and trying to join in.  :) too cute.

Later after lunch we all ended up in the pool with Nephew padling around on the steps and my brother and I having water fights.  Sis was a little cranky (I think she was tired and uncomfortable given she's due to have my 3rd nephew on 10th February).  It's debateable whether Nephew ran us ragged or the other way around but he's adorable.  I love that he trusts us as family.  Beyond what a mere friend of my sister's might be trusted.  It's innate.  He knows in his heart that we love him and we'd protect him.  Obviously those who spend more time with him get more of that trust of course but it's precious to me.

The sun was damn hot over the past few days - even today was fairly toasty but at least there was a gusty wind blowing around so I left all the windows open to keep airflow happening, after a 37degree day yesterday (ick).  The hot days it's hard to enjoy - unless I was a sunbunny (I'm not) who tanned, wasn't worried about skin cancer, and who didnt mind spending their days out at the beach not worrying about tidal rips or allergies to seaweed.  Me, I'm lilly white or if I've been in the sun too much I'm lobster nuclear-glowing red.  WHen I'm sunburnt people can almost SEE the heat emnating out of my skin for a few days afterwards and wince quite visibly.  Needless to say I avoid it wherever possible and on uncomfortably hot days I hide indoors.  My house still manages to stay several degrees cooler but it was uncomfortable.

Boxing Day eve, I had tentatively agreed to see a movie with GF and an ex-lover of hers.  I wasn't keen on playing 3rd wheel however, and she'd given me the out of saying "well if you're tired or something after a big family catch up we'll understand..."  so it was far too easy to think that she'd not mind if I bowed-out.  Especially after I got yet another sms from Angel asking where I was and if he could see me (I even got one Christmas Eve and Christmas Day night... but it never really tee'd up between our schedules). 

SO, Angel and I had dinner, chatted about his career, about our friends respectively, about my house and cat, his house.. his family, his frame of mind as well, even philosophy.  I like spending time with him when he's more relaxed and less defensive.  We then went and checked out "Night at the Museum" which I loved.  It's cheesy family-movie stuff but damn it has a great cast and I loved it purely for what it was.  I was however very aware of Angel being beside me ... our arms pressed against each other, after spending an afternoon together and both of us feel the same about the attraction there.. it was hard at times but rewarding not to give in to that baser instinct. Meantime, I got a very cranky response from the eventual sms which I sent GF telling her when I couldn't reach her earlier that I'd gone to see something with Angel. 

I'm a little fed up with her occasionally swinging between trying to push me at him one minute and the next, trying to get me to promise to give up my friendship with him altogether and swear to a 2007 without speaking to him at all.  I really do think she draws too many paralells between Angel and Scuba.  There are resemblances, but that's where it ends.  I think Angel even at his age, (far younger than Scuba) is much more mature though he does moodswing and get things a little confused himself, he's not as completely selfish as Scuba. 

Angel and I discussed it (he knows GF and had met her before he met me, at a party, and drunkenly kissed her once when he was fighting with his girlfriend of the time.. not classy, granted but freely admitted).  His outlook was that perhaps she is jealous, even of our friendship.  The impression I get from him is that he is really not a fan of her (he's been pretty steady in that) and that he really doesn't have much patience for her mercurical outbursts (she once drunkenly followed him out of the pub to abuse him for stuffing me around... I pointed out and he granted, she was just trying to look out for me at the time, but it was fairly public and embarassing .. I don't think he'll be forgiving her for butting in any time soon). I know it was disloyal to have the conversation with him about her, but I really don't trust her when she's in one of her funny moods not to try to meddle again even if she means well.  If he knows what she's been up to lately it's less likely to have as much effect.

So, since our catch up, I've been in a 2 day friend-drought as the others have all been busy.  I've found myself at a bit of a loose end.  I was tempted to call GF, except I knew she'd probably still be rather dark about Boxing Day.  This itself bugged me because I've often tolerated last minute cancellations or early disappearances for the sake of her wanting to spend time with Scuba.  I hadn't left her high and dry - she had company - I was only a possibly tag along (and a reluctant one at that).  So I'm not too inclined to have my head chewed off for it or have her chew my ear off about Angel (I've already made it pretty clear that I'm not interested in having her tell me to cut contact with him but she is like a dog with a bone at the moment).

I've finished painting the kitchen, and covering up my disastrous test-paint of raspberry in the spare room with an equally disastrous "London Fog" but it's not quite so vivid.  YYUP thus has been my life the past few days.  :)  On the plus side, Max is over the moon and will go through withdrawal when I am back at work. 

Ok confession time, my budgetting for the past week has been crap.  Total unadulterated crap.  I am now facing down the barrel of a best mate's birthday, my DAD'S birthday and my nephew's and I'm skint.  SHITE.

Meantime GF has invited me to use a spare ticket she has to see Aj Barker (comedian) tomorrow night.  I'm looking forward to it but I'll have to drive in.  This poses the following problems: I've discovered a slow leak in a tyre in my car from a puncture - verry dangerous driving around right now, and it means spending $15 or so for parking. But how do I offend her by rejecting the kind offer when she sounded so thrilled to help me out with a free ticket.

An update on GF..  she's even stood me up in coming to get her cd's back.  Luckily I didn't really care.  I've not missed the friendship at all.  It's sad to say that but I think we've drifted apart.  She's more brittle since she's returned and there's a gulf between us which I'd thought wasn't there but looking back, I think it's been there for some time.  Initially I was hurt, and felt rejected and took it far too personally.  But I see the person she's become lately (whether a phase or something more permanent) and I just don't need that in my life.  It makes me nuts.

Also if I'm honest I was probably selfishly hanging on to it out of needing a single gal pal who would go out and socialise as well as missing our old very close (like sisters) friendship.  It was tough to let go of, as I went through a phase of wondering if I was just totally crap at friendships, but I don't think I've changed that much.  My priorities are different, doing up my house and paying my mortgage, but otherwise it's the same me.  I make mistakes like anyone but I'd like to think I have the best of intentions at heart.

I should take a leaf out of Steph's most recent post. Guys are far more upfront with their friends.  Perhaps the biggest malady in my friendship with GF is that both of us started trying too hard and pussyfooting rather than speaking our minds, after she got back, out of feeling our way back into the friendship. 

Ugh, dunno, it's been thought through to death.