21 posts tagged “debates”

One of the young tartlets from work, kind of pretty, tidy little figure but not stunning, has since starting been boasting about how men act like she's man-catnip.  So it's kind of ironic when someone who was working as a manager with us until recently, as her boss, she dabbles with, even though he's married with babyaged children. 

Now we all knew he was easy.  He'd be down the pub with us all after work, one of the guys who I've talked about as disappointing me when it comes to married men making themselves overly available for taken men.  This one has even shockingly boasted about his sexual preclivaties (spelling?) you get the idea anyway..I'd rather not spell out the stuff he was boasting about but it was degrading considering he was discussing doing it to his wife, loudly to anyone who would listen.  SO with this in mind, miss so young men want me/pant after me but I know how to handle them came unstuck and got emotionally involved with seeing her married boss.  It was consensual. But how thick is he REALLY to do something so stupid?  He was always a flirt who missed being single but even when blitzed would still gush about loving his wife. 

Well, at his farewell a few of the staff knew of the situation (names and co'y name never provided to protect my butt but also to avoid being indiscreet), and he's flirting with all the girls from work.  I was propositioned to go back to the office for a quickie, (rejected wth amusement), but then later while he was really drunk he's brushing my hair out from my face to tell me quite sweetly that he thought I was very beautiful, and that he could remember the first time he saw me and when and where it was and started to describe it.  *wince*  Little Miss All That got very upset and teary at the fact that she was being ignored, that he was getting drunk and rowdy and flirty.  AWWW ...how does she think he ended up in bed with her?  Should it really be that much of a shock?  We're all smarter than to take him up on it though.  We all like him and he's a hottie for sure, but he's a MARRIED FATHER.  That's the killer of the whole thought for me.  It should've been for her.  She's not THAT young to be naieve, and certainly seems used to male attention (or so  she boasts). 

Am I being harsh? Hey, I say good for her that she does get male attention, the bit I'm judging is where she decided to explore it further.

Thought/topic for possible discussion: what are your limits when it comes to your partner with friends of the opposie sex?

I bring this up, because another pleasant but slightly odd experience from the wedding with an old friend of JNL's, Shaz to use the Oz vernacular of shortening names in the most crass of ways, and her husband who is a sweetie.  He was SO BLIND drunk at the wedding reception, but that is a best man's perogative I'm sure.  Anyhoo apparently he'd been playing with my hair while standing off to one side behind me.  I should mention - I have very long blonde hair, almost down to my waist. Apparently he was happily standing there swaying talking to someone and twirling locks of my hair around his index finger like a kid might.  It was innocent, cute, nothing harmful in it.  But to some less secure partners, they could possibly see this as something else like flirting or an affectionate thing (which it SOO wasn't and I'm fairly switched on with my guy-sleaze-radar).

I had no idea he was doing it until his lovely pregnant wife walked up to me and asked me with a smile and a laugh if I realised what he was doing.  Nope - it wasn't like he was pulling it out by the roots!  I told her no at the same time he demonstrated again and I really wasn't fazed.  She wanted to make sure I wasn't upset or felt like he was bugging me (given he had the drunken mind of a child by that point but an innocent one) and I told her it didn't bother me in the slightest provided it didn't bother her, and so long as he didn't give me dredlocks!   The way I see it, if his own wife is comfortable with it, my radar was spot on and there wasn't a thing in the world to be worried about and if I'm completely honest, there's something cat-like in having your hair stroked, whether guy girl or child is doing it - nothing sexual to it, it's just nice.

But looking back on it, yes it was completely healthy in the way we were all cool with it but so many people might've gotten weirder about it but I'm kind of proud of the way that I handled it and really chuffed with the general level of "meh" about it all but still taking care of each other's feelings just in case.  

So tell me, if that was your husband, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, would it worry you?  I know this particular situation was done with total innocence, but I've also had guys touch my hair but with more of a covetessness to it and I do know the difference and in the past I've had dramas with an ex (then live in b'friend) who was a bit too free and easy with the physical affection with women who were a little too coveting themselves.  So where do you draw the line?  For me I think a lot of it depends on the level of trust in the relationship due to past experiences, and also the perceived intent behind the actions as well as if there is any interest on the part of the recipient which can change the tone in an instant.  Shaz in this case, is a very very lucky woman but she is completely and utterly safe.  

I'm not talking dirty guys, but sensuous, sexy but not sleazy.  What do you find pushes your buttons without PUSHING YOUR BUTTONS. 

For me, it was an ex of mine who used to give me an hour long massage, back shoulders, neck, scalp, then he'd rest my head against his legs (keeping this clean guys minds out of the gutter) and would massage my face tenderly before kissing me upside down.. that whole kiss of the lower lip... stunning.  Simply stunning.  No intent beyond worshipping each other.  Sexy as hell without an agenda.

Playfights - not too rough, fun, playful, flirtatious, especially with someone who there is sexual tension with ...rrowrl.  The longer it's prolonged without trying to change the tone it builds the tension which is just fabulous.

I find myself lately wondering what invisible leprechaun I've caught by its ankle and I keep expecting the other shoe to drop.  My lovelife has never been more non-existent, but everything else has been falling into place.  It's almost like God has shaken His head, clucked and said "oh dear, she's relationship-disabled, so here ya go hun, here's some good luck to cheer you up".  (said with a laugh at myself and with no disrespect/offence meant to the religious).

I got a call from a friend yesterday, whose sister I'd spoken with about a year and a half to two years ago and impressed her that much about my work ethic, that she called her sister as soon as she had a vacancy for her Assistant, and asked my friend to ask me if I'm interested.  It would've been a $15-$20k increase, but the instability of a contract role, and possibly a backward step in tasks. 

It's come the same weekend as I wait to hear the response from the real estate agent who came around on Saturday morning to give me an estimate of what they think my house is currently worth.  I plan to talk to a mortgage broker early this week to find out my lending power, put the two together and figure out what I could afford to move onto and whether this is worth doing.  Max would adore it - I would try to make sure I found a place where he could go outside. My cat wouldn't know himself!  I don't need a place with such a big yard.  SO I guess what I'm saying is in a nutshell, before I get too much done to this place I was trying to suss out what I really wanted to do.  It would decide what things I would do to my current home - for my comfort or for re-sale value. 

Meantime my brother in law has found a second hand airconditioning unit for me to use for my house.  What a good lad he is!  This, and within the next few months I'll also be getting one of their leather loungesuites which they've decided they no longer want (6 months old still as new off white leather, soft).  They're also moving into a place with a built in barbq.  They have a top of the line barbq - I'm getting it. 

SO, aside from the disastrous lovelife, things are good.  Though I didn't make J's hens night last night.  I was fighting a migraine and had an assignment half done due tomorrow which I wasn't making headway on and the last thing I wanted was to drink.  Simple.  The head was getting to me, there was so much swimming around in my head,and my friend J I love to bits and pieces but she's a little high maintenance at the best of times - her hens night I knew would be no exception and she's the same person who always says I'm no fun to be around unless I'm drunk.  I hate drinking around her because I feel like a trained poodle barking on command and it peeves me.  So I didn't go.  I sms'd her (what a coward am I - I feel bad) told her I was fighting a migraine, which I was but it wasn't at the stage which I made it out to be, (it soon would've if I'd gone and I would've been a cranky wet blanket trying to smile and play nicey and not in the party mood in the slightest). 

So guys - question - if offered a large wad of cash to do a job with less stability (and you're paying a mortgage in this hypothetical), and less job satisfaction - would you do it?  Especially when it has an end date?  Give me your thoughts.  I've already more or less made up my mind.  So much to think about and decide this weekend.. how self absorbed am I - a former close nearly best friend who I've grown apart from and she's stopped including me in her social arrangements (more out of us growing apart in interests and some of her critical nature was starting to rub me the wrong way) is getting married in two weeks and I'm tossing up major-ish decisions about my life.  Anyway, give me your thoughts.

Hi guys sorry I went MIA.  My computer was giving me nasty blue screens, then it was off for repairs.. lots of blue words down this end and not many normal ones resulted.

So meantime in the land of moia..

1. Crush on Gilligan dissipated and all but gone.
2. Angel was contacting me a lot wanting to see me, asking for my advice on his career, LISTENED to that advice and we caught up purely as platonic friends. 
3. GF disappointed me by standing me up for New Year's Eve.  She's re-connected closely with her old posse crowd for the time being and so I'm old news.  I kind of knew it was coming, we're still friends, but I don't consider her a close friend any more.  She calls me when she needs someone to talk to about Scuba. (The posse not being very understanding & all... neither am I lately!)
4. I've been given a decent pay increase, woohoo.  It makes the recent nutty mood swings and occasionally accusatory rants from bosslady which have been more frequent, bearable.  Every time she cops it for not having done something or her manager comes down on her... I can almost count the seconds til I am being snapped at for wasting time or something.
5. I've been told if I want to get a new job that is coming up, rather than have someone else more senior appointed to work with me, I need to do some further study.  EEK.  Financially, timeways, stressways, eek.  On the other hand... COOOL!!
6. I have another work crush.  Hopefully this won't be a pattern though.  Another really sweet tall nice guy. Cute.. friendly, sociable, no weird awkwardness.  I enjoy talking to him.  But so far I think he'll just end up being yet another guy friend.  He's a father of 2 boys, one 6 one 12 and split up from his ex partner I'm getting the impression, about a year or so ago.  It's not fresh but not ancient history.  Danger Wil Robinson.. DANNNGERR.
7. Angel sms'd me again tonight, asking to catch up.  Unluckily for him I ran into him last Fri night, drunk.  After I refused to take him home and mother his poor drunken ass, he went over to a bunch of girls after he thought I'd left and was hassling them. I was standing there watching him and it hurt a little.  Especially given his friends had just finished putting two and two together from watching him being overly physically comfortable with me like I was his girlfriend who he could be completely goofy and comfortable with, and they'd been cracking jokes about me taking Angel home to tuck him into bed, take care of him and give him a vomit bucket (he'd been drinking since midday).  I took my cue to leave and headed to an entirely different pub, where I was hit on by a guy who I tried scaring off (unsuccessfully).  "Cowboy" took my card and was determined to call me again.  Nickname refers to his name but won't divulge any more.  He's a builder who has just relocated from Sydney to this state.  We'll see if it was anything more than random drunken randiness.
8. I've come across some random acts of kindness and just genuinely nice people which have amazed me and cheered me up on a flat week a few weeks ago.  Must post about it more later.
9. I've made some new friends through work.  Girlfriends.  Both very different.. again fuel for a later post.
10. Mental note to self: get a debate happening on lost and found cash.  Would YOU hand it in?  I was strapped, have lost cash myself and mentally written it off as "ah well whoever finds it will hopefully really need it as noone will hand it in and how could they prove it was theirs!?"  so when a friend and I found $50 lying on the ground outside an open air venue.  I'd been financially struggling and she paid for my ticket and I was feeling awkward and embarassed about it.  She handed me the cash and shrugged it off saying "well there is noone around who we could ask if they dropped it and if we did of course they'd say yes!".  So what is your take on it...?  I still feel a bit weird.

Yes I'm noticing a certain theme of late, apologies.. just got off the phone from another convo with GF and two topics emerged.. here they are for consumption and debate if you should feel the need...

1. Wanting To Be Woo'd v Going & Getting What You Want ...  Ok what say you?  Me, I'm a subscriber to the "wanting to be asked out/pursued" line of thought.  The few times I've plucked up the guts to ask someone out it's not been pretty.  I've been treated as a friend asking another friend out and I'm just too much of a chicken now, plus I really would like a bit of unadulterated but restrained interest otherwise, it's too much like I'm twisting their arm. 
2. The Man Who Makes Us Tongue-Tied v The Friend Who You Goof Around With...  Ditto, what say you?  In GF's case the argument is easy, she has a friend she calls Tydy Tim who she is comfortable with and has so much in common with.  He is married.  Meantime a friend of his whom she met on Friday night... totally tongue tied and its been ages since I've seen her like that - it's cute!  Ironically, Tydy Tim is a mega sports nut and his wife is not.  GF is a HUGE sports nut.   But I'm wondering, perhaps my mistakes have been in the past to go out with the people who take my breath away (even if they're not mister universe, there's been something that's made me catch my breath in my throat).  Perhaps I should be going out with the person who I don't necessarily have the snap attraction with but whom I have more in common with?  I don't know if I can change my ways though.
3. Which brings me to the next discussion: Is It Important to Share All the Same Interests or Even Just A Few Major Ones?  I'm trying to bargain my way out of this one as I strongly suspect I'm buggered ... see, I loathe watching sports on tv.  I see it as a waste of good movie-watching time.  *wince*  This will strongly limit me.

I don't know that I miss being in a relationship, all I remember (though it was a while ago) was very strong feelings of caring marred by frustration, hurt at being shut out, whenever I got my head snapped off, intense sorrow and hurt because I felt so alone, and all the hard work that just seemed like I was knocking my head against a brick wall.  Great sexlife though and definitely strong feelings (well at the time but not now that was another universe ago).  i can remember once after thoroughly depressing myself watching a disaster type movie, freaking myself out wondering how I'd cope if my partner at the time passed away and the ache that crept up in my throat at the thought was terrifying.  It was never an issue, instead some bimbette from his work pursuing him at a time when he'd given up on the relationship, ended up being the death nell instead. 

I miss being pursued though, the thrill and frightening-ness of wondering if I want to allow them in, it's scary but fun too.  :)  Baby steps after all.  That's all I want to think about right now - if someone impresses me and me them (ha, without any sporting interest whatsoever hardly likely), then who knows.. but for now it'd just be nice to be noticed.  Pathetic?  Yeah probably.  ;)

Meantime I've had a chat with Angel to bluntly ask him if he'd given TB the impression that it is ok to pursue me.  The answer was a resounding no but an admission that he wouldn't be surprised if TB had been doing that before going on to tell me that they had had a falling out over TB contacting some of the women that Angel has been out with in the past few years.  Apparently TB even in anger told Angel that he was less friend than acquaintance, despite Angel always describing TB as his best friend.  That would have to hurt.  Really hurt.  Angel has since contacted me over sms to ask me if I'd have liked to take a spare Robbie Williams ticket and go, but it was too last minute (and part of me, the silly jealous part, wondered how many women he sounded out before me ...pathetic).. and the traffic to get there at that late stage, well it would've been impossible and the ticket was by itself so I thanked him for the offer but declined, despite thinking it'd be a fantastic show.

So the last topic to throw out there to the masses... when if ever, is it ok to pursue a friend's ex girlfriend/boyfriend/shagbuddy?  It's been hotly debated before but I'm interested in your takes on it.

Feel free to leave comments on any of the above I'd love to hear it.

Ok guys take the floor here, what say you?  Pixie will know from my previous blogs, the reasons behind why I do NOT want to expose who I am.  I've tried to keep anonymity before as my various groups of friends have ruined a blog I had for 2 years by getting all hissy and reactive over a passing thing that I've said.  I've enjoyed this blog's complete anonymity because I can describe things the way that I've felt or experienced them at the time without having to hold back or for the sake of being tactful in case I offend someone for them going back and reading something which was meant to vent at the time not something I was still dwelling on. 

I like the fact that I meet people on here who don't know me in person but can share my thoughts and ideals without it being about who I am during the day.  I think I give enough of myself in the way that I describe my surroundings and my life, without compromising that freedom, rather than the withholding being about shyness.  I can be shy sometimes but generally only around a guy who I meet who I'm attracted to - otherwise, shyness is never something I've been accused of.  :)    Hopefully this answers any questions I've been getting lately from the curious.  I hope you feel free to continue to visit and have input.

I just don't get it.  HippyFriend when I saw her last weekend, went on AGAIN for about the 50th time about women who hang out their cleavage.  She has major issues about it and will go on at length about how she feels it's tacky etc etc.

Me, it's one of my assets.  I flaunt it when I chose to.  I don't see that as any of her business and if she has an issue with it, I really do think that that is her problem and not something she should try to make me feel bad about by ranting on about women who hang them out there just for wearing something lower cut.

She is small herself.  There's no kind way to say it.  But (and I've said this to her too many times to repeat myself now as it's just getting irritating)  I honestly think that women who have smaller breasts have the lucky side of things.  My dare to any women out there tempted to debate with me right now.  Before we continue this conversation, go to any one of your favourite lingerie stores.  I dare you.  Go and find a really pretty set of lingerie, in a set for large breasted women.  ... How'd you go?  I bet you didn't find anything! 

Not to mention the deep indentations on the shoulders which are there permanently by age 17 or 18 and the sore back, the fact that they DON'T have to wear the overtheshoulderboulderholders under EVERYTHING.  It can make us feel ungainly and uncomfortable.  It's not always so sexy.

So, with that said, I really don't want to have to repeat myself it's like rubbing salt into the wound.  And it bugs me no end that she can't see that women will always ALWAYS try to highlight what society would see as their best asset (she is a leg-girl so she wears short skirts quite happily..should I be offended?) and that she has to get so damn shitty and defensive about it.  If she keeps bringing it up I'll eventually have to say something as it's now starting to really offend me.

Hey guys I liked this - everyone does it, when a friend's had a horrible dating experience we try to gang together to make them feel better by trying to outdo them.  Check out Steph's blog for a crack up of a read - for you lads out there who think that you have it rough, check out how badly Steph's friends have copped it out there in the dating world.

My friends do similar but the prize is a block of chocolate, which just gets split aorund amongst us over a few laughs anyway. 

Ok I'll open this one up for comment and debate if you like. 

 I watched "The Wedding Dress" in the 2004 Italian Film Festival collection.  My weekly fix.  Oh boy (and not in a good way).  I switched it off without watching it all.  It's too thoroughly depressing.  perhaps it picks up but wow.  It shows a woman so over the moon happy at her upcoming wedding, a tryst with her fiance, then stays in a field by herself to read her study notes, the twilight is rolling in and 4 or 5 hunters come hunting her and she is pack raped.  The scene doesn't just insinuate it or suggest it, it shows it all. 

This is what offended me.  Is it meant to titillate us?  I think the only reason to put something so in your face or violent into a film is if it is meant to demonstrate just how bad it is.  I think the only people who could possibly think that it is NOT bad as an act, would have to be the kind of people that do it and surely it would only encourage them?  I certainly didn't need to be told that rape (whether gang or not) is horrible. The movie showed the whole scene - from further away but the whole thing.  I'm sure the movie is great and that that one scene was just one teeny portion of it, but it had its effect on me just from that scene and I had to switch it off.  I never do that.