23 posts tagged “dating”

Oh and in Eyore news... she's been made redundant (given heaps of notice which is good) and is seeking another job.  She's being choosy - she's allowed to be, after all she has the time to be.  Meantime she's developed a crush on a new guy in the office.  They've been flirting but she's being cautious.

She's admitted she can be quite fussy about the men she'll go out with - even went so far as to admit that perhaps the kind of guys she's attracted to would possibly consider themselves out of her league. 

It's had me thinking... but after self examination, I know I can be turned by a pretty face or physique as much as the next person, but I dont get that selective about physiques or perfect features.  I'd prefer not to be seeing a pretty boy who has a god-complex and feels I should worship the ground that they've passed over.  But I can' help if I'm not attracted to certain features or looks.  What say you?  Do you guys think that we can all be a bit like this? 

Was just talking to ChefGurl, who told me a tale about her step sister's boyfriend.  Turns out the turkey who has even gone away for holidays away to a wine region with her and been with her over a year, had a few other girlfriends on the go.  Our city is far too small socially to do that kind of thing.  You think this twit would know that.

SO Doofus as I'll dub him (Scumbag?) went to a work social affair with girlfriend # 2 and 'lo but there is ChefGurl's scumbag ex defacto who is desperate to win her back (despite pushing for her to have an abortion and treating her like dirt while she was still pregnant *snarl*) anyhoo SuperScumbag (smiling at that nickname) spots Doofus and figures he'll draw some heat away from himself and try to win himself back into her good graces by calling her to dob him in.  Sure enough it's the same guy.  Wait til those girls all end up having a chat... turns out Girlfriend # 2 works with Super Scumbag.

It's a giggle.  Well not really, but there is irony.  I'm getting emails from my aunty in Canada who I grew so close to while she visited, talking about a fireman she started dating before she left and how he's all wrong for her but refuses to let her go even though he's not emotionally available. 

Maybe it runs in the family.  Maybe it's because deep down we really do want to stay single?  I'm trying to break out of the habit, but Angel went and emailed me today after sms'ing me yesterday again asking if he could see me.  Part of me KNOWS the cycle, that he's just missing me as a gap filler in between other women and that hurts.  Part of me misses the closeness of being with someone and it seems like a good second option except it isnt in reality.  It would really help if I didn't get emails from him cheekily suggesting that I'd sleep better (I've been sleeping lousily) if I had the right company to snuggle up to for the night.  JEEZ  my mistake for once telling him that that is what I miss the most, or hang on, did I?  I actually think I've only ever confessed that on here and he does NOT have the location or ID of this blog (thank GOODNESS).

To add insult to injury, I was feeling GOOOD about myself today (I was wearing an outfit which I know flatters me, my hair freshly washed and falling in waves instead of going frizzy or that nonwash day hair thing that is lank ..long hair and the hassles of it... ) I was smelling good, and I was confident.  The weather was georgeous I was in a fairly decent mood, and I'd been getting a lot of attentive genuine-sounding friendship from Angel over email (ironically telling me that GF uses me up and I should blow her off as he figures she's using me... I've heard much the same from her on the topic of him *laughing*).  The sentiment was cute anyway.  I was having the whole internal debate with myself about NOT weakening to him meantime enjoying the breeze and sun on my freshly smooth-shaven legs (I don't wear skirts very often and as feeling fairly girly) and damn who walks up beside me while I'm ordering my lunch than Angel, looking as usual, GOOD...really good.  No fair.  He's even smiling his specially warm friendly smile. 

We talked briefly, walked together back towards work and then went our separate ways back to work with me knowing we were both wistful about being alone together.  I just wish some of that wistfulness on his part was more emotional about me rather than about his needs (emotional and physical).  SO not fair.  I got more chatty emails in the afternoon for a bit talking about how he wanted to see me and asking when we could catch up.  DANG. 

The thing is, if Gilligan was just a little more actively interested or making himself known, Angel would be that much easier to resist.  Let's face it, the cupboard is a bit bare and Angel is FAR from a last resort.

Just to totally make you laugh, coz after all I AM Clueless after all.. on Saturday during lunch I can't BELIEVE I told the others (including Gilligan) about how I gave my ex husband a broken nose after he got too rough 'pretending' to box right up to my nose and how my defense instincts kicked in and I whollopped him one in the schnoz.

In hindsight, not my greatest not-dating-but-might-be-interested-move.  Downright thick actually. 

Ok I totally love the writing of the girls on "Not Sex And The City" especially for this recent post, and the unforgettable post about "getting pens" I still joke about getting pens with my girlfriends and they look at me quizzically so I have to then explain the past post.

I'm raising a hand up to chime in and say to the girls "hell yes"  I need a man not a mouse.  Someone who cares enough not to walk all over me though, but who isn't afraid to stand up to me as I'm not exactly a socially shrinking violet.  Problem is, the only nice guys I'm meeting lately are either a) interested in only size 6 women, or b) too shy or timid to handle my at times big personality (not bignoting myself, I'm just not shy on the surface).

So take a moment to peruse some of their posts especially "get pens" (love it). As un-PC as that post is, hell yes I'm all for that as a fantasy.  In reality, if our dweeby IT man tried that, he'd be hobbling doubled over to the nearest hospital  :)  *shudder*

Yes I'm noticing a certain theme of late, apologies.. just got off the phone from another convo with GF and two topics emerged.. here they are for consumption and debate if you should feel the need...

1. Wanting To Be Woo'd v Going & Getting What You Want ...  Ok what say you?  Me, I'm a subscriber to the "wanting to be asked out/pursued" line of thought.  The few times I've plucked up the guts to ask someone out it's not been pretty.  I've been treated as a friend asking another friend out and I'm just too much of a chicken now, plus I really would like a bit of unadulterated but restrained interest otherwise, it's too much like I'm twisting their arm. 
2. The Man Who Makes Us Tongue-Tied v The Friend Who You Goof Around With...  Ditto, what say you?  In GF's case the argument is easy, she has a friend she calls Tydy Tim who she is comfortable with and has so much in common with.  He is married.  Meantime a friend of his whom she met on Friday night... totally tongue tied and its been ages since I've seen her like that - it's cute!  Ironically, Tydy Tim is a mega sports nut and his wife is not.  GF is a HUGE sports nut.   But I'm wondering, perhaps my mistakes have been in the past to go out with the people who take my breath away (even if they're not mister universe, there's been something that's made me catch my breath in my throat).  Perhaps I should be going out with the person who I don't necessarily have the snap attraction with but whom I have more in common with?  I don't know if I can change my ways though.
3. Which brings me to the next discussion: Is It Important to Share All the Same Interests or Even Just A Few Major Ones?  I'm trying to bargain my way out of this one as I strongly suspect I'm buggered ... see, I loathe watching sports on tv.  I see it as a waste of good movie-watching time.  *wince*  This will strongly limit me.

I don't know that I miss being in a relationship, all I remember (though it was a while ago) was very strong feelings of caring marred by frustration, hurt at being shut out, whenever I got my head snapped off, intense sorrow and hurt because I felt so alone, and all the hard work that just seemed like I was knocking my head against a brick wall.  Great sexlife though and definitely strong feelings (well at the time but not now that was another universe ago).  i can remember once after thoroughly depressing myself watching a disaster type movie, freaking myself out wondering how I'd cope if my partner at the time passed away and the ache that crept up in my throat at the thought was terrifying.  It was never an issue, instead some bimbette from his work pursuing him at a time when he'd given up on the relationship, ended up being the death nell instead. 

I miss being pursued though, the thrill and frightening-ness of wondering if I want to allow them in, it's scary but fun too.  :)  Baby steps after all.  That's all I want to think about right now - if someone impresses me and me them (ha, without any sporting interest whatsoever hardly likely), then who knows.. but for now it'd just be nice to be noticed.  Pathetic?  Yeah probably.  ;)

Meantime I've had a chat with Angel to bluntly ask him if he'd given TB the impression that it is ok to pursue me.  The answer was a resounding no but an admission that he wouldn't be surprised if TB had been doing that before going on to tell me that they had had a falling out over TB contacting some of the women that Angel has been out with in the past few years.  Apparently TB even in anger told Angel that he was less friend than acquaintance, despite Angel always describing TB as his best friend.  That would have to hurt.  Really hurt.  Angel has since contacted me over sms to ask me if I'd have liked to take a spare Robbie Williams ticket and go, but it was too last minute (and part of me, the silly jealous part, wondered how many women he sounded out before me ...pathetic).. and the traffic to get there at that late stage, well it would've been impossible and the ticket was by itself so I thanked him for the offer but declined, despite thinking it'd be a fantastic show.

So the last topic to throw out there to the masses... when if ever, is it ok to pursue a friend's ex girlfriend/boyfriend/shagbuddy?  It's been hotly debated before but I'm interested in your takes on it.

Feel free to leave comments on any of the above I'd love to hear it.

It's an unfair comparison to make, but GF and I have always had a similar relationship with two different guys which we used to compare notes on because the guys are fairly similar in the way that they conduct their lives.  Similar but not the same.

GF has known Scuba for about 8 years.  Since she's been back they've been in this passionately swinging relationship of love and hate.  They love each other, but he's out there chasing the holy grail of the perfect woman and GF's backbone scares him.  He swings between her and chasing some sweet more amiable pliable young thing in a perfect package.  Meantime he peppers her with sms's about how he just wanted her to know he's thinking of her, that he loves her, several nights in a row asks to see her, to go and share a bottle of wine on the beach watching the sun set, then before their date tonight (after spending last night together) he complains that he has had a tense day (said with a big theatrical sigh of woe is me feel sorry for me) as he heard from his long term ex (she left him when she found out he'd been on a dating site for at least 8 months and had been sleeping around on her), and it had upset him and he was jealous that she had to inform him that she was out dating again and had several dates.  THIS from the guy who GF was about to pay for gold class movie tickets to go and see a movie with after spending a romantic evening together the previous night.

The gall of it had GF spluttering but she sulked her way through the movie (having forked out a grand total of around $97 for the dismal date from hell), and exploded at him afterwards and he had the nerve to tell her she's moody and he can't handle her moodswings and made it all about her.  What an unbelievable JERK!

But because they do have a deep friendship bond, they wil continue to stay in touch (much to GF's friends' dismay) and after they've had a few spats where he'll tell her she's moody and childish, and she'll call him an insensitive jerk and all sorts of other things, their friendship bond will mend, and she will eventually be over the moon because he will have a momentary glimpse of sanity and wonder if he's missed what is right under his nose again for a second in a mood swing, and seems like he's finaly realising he cares when he next tells her he is getting counselling to get over some of his issues, and the cycle will continue. 

That was Angel and I for the first year and a half to two years.  The third year (just gone) has been more about friendship or mutually convenient companionship but he's still managed to hurt me occasionally - I've just learnt not to trust him or fall for him and joke-rebuff him into backing off whenever he tries getting schmoopy.  It's my best defense mechanism.

So I had another frustrated, teary call from GF who was furious to get the "hey I warned you of the space I was in right now" speech yet again after Scuba had been making all the right noises to indicate that his situation had changed this evening.  It makes me appreciate just how small time in similarity Angel is - in scales of wanker-ness Angel is only a few rungs up the ladder, bringing up the rear behind class A Mister Hippy trying to be in tune with nature and life and find higher meaning in everything including all women's vaginas Scuba himself.

Whether they're the Peter Pans in our lives, or the Mr Bigs, we each have to decide for ourselves.  I know GF's other female friends are heartily gutsick of hearing about Scuba letting GF down yet again.  He seems to have the knack for seeing the light just when she's managed to re-gain her faith that there might be a relationship out there for her or that she's receptive to one, and seems to either deliberately or subconsciously zero in on that mood ... or maybe she just tends to lean towards the devil she knows. 

All I know is, my devil, or Angel, whatever you'd like to call him, has hopefully taught me the value of the less confident awkward guy - there's less superficial playing games-ness about them.  Here's praying I've seen the light. I certainly don't think that either of them don't care about us respectively, but I think they use both of us if they thought they could, as a quasi relationship when not in one.  The safety net for their hearts and egos which they feel safe around.  It's insulting but also, there is some kind of weird bond where we know each other warts and all pretty damn well. 

I still won't let Angel wreck my ability to care, and about someone else if the opportunity arises, rather than about him in future.  

I sit here typing this though, wondering if I'll be strong though as I've already been getting flirty emails from Angel who arrived back from a trip interstate and sms'd me on Sat evening after arriving back in town.  I've been stupid enough to weaken in the past, for the sake of a beautiful body with smooth skin, and the comfort of a close friend to cuddle up to... but it ends in hurt or even tears depending how touch and self protective I can be so I'll try to maintain the status quo.  I once dubbed him Angel though as I got called in a very adoringly affectionate way one evening "his angel".  So it's been a bit of a giggle of a codename for me to use for him since.  

OO cue the perfect song, SnowPatrol's song that has come out recently "can't we just lay here.. and forget the world".  something like that even though it's not meant for these kind of situations, that song just makes me feel like they're singing about something that is impossible but the urge is there to steal one moment anyway.  The advert just came on tv for a second.

C'mon guys - fess up and make me feel a little less like the only person who has offered up their biggest flaw up on a platter.. (well, one of) .. surely each of you have at some stage made decisions which you've innately KNOWN were bad for you, but at the same time it still seems so good as to be worth it?

Hey guys I liked this - everyone does it, when a friend's had a horrible dating experience we try to gang together to make them feel better by trying to outdo them.  Check out Steph's blog for a crack up of a read - for you lads out there who think that you have it rough, check out how badly Steph's friends have copped it out there in the dating world.

My friends do similar but the prize is a block of chocolate, which just gets split aorund amongst us over a few laughs anyway. 

I've pulled the pin on my profile.  I've remembered why I didn't like it at all the last time I gave it a brief shot.  It's all just too awkward and blind-dating ish for my liking.  I didn't actually meet in person anyone from there and there wasn't anything bad that was said or done it's just not for me.

Ok guys what're your thoughts on fishing in the work pond?  I'm not a fan of it.  The last guy I lived with, I met through work.  For about a year we continued to work together (different floors different departments) and live together but it was all too close especially given his boss had a huge crush on him and brought the claws out whenever he wasn't around. 

SO.  We've had about 3 or 4 recent new starters who are all cute, single and around my age.  I've done the whole professional but friendly to the new starter thing and gotten a surprisingly warm smile in return from a few of them.  I've mentally dismissed it as first day jitters but at least 2 or 3 of them have continued to smile at me like we've known each other for years and a few of them are going to the extent of emailing me jokes (directly to me, not to a select few), and joking over email with me.  Hey, it's probably just all in friendship.  Even then, COOL. 

Anyhow, I thought what the hell, I'll deal with it as a couple of friendships.  I've always wanted to have more friendships with guys - there's less crap with a guy friend ..if there's a problem they're pretty upfront in verbally setting me on my bum or letting me know but letting it go.  So I've invited a large group of the recent new starters (women and guys) as well as the more social existing ones from work and a few of my friends, to go to the pub this Friday after work and so far I've gotten very keen responses from at least 4 or 5 of the newies (particularly all 3 guys who've been emailing me) and 2 of the existing people from work so far.  It should be a good night they're a friendly crew.