14 posts tagged “darkhorse”
Well after a week of no-speakies (I swear the man has an instinct about when I'm pmsing) Angel was bored this afternoon at work and pestering me over email. But I also think the fact that his Wifey pal is going back up north again shortly has a bit to do with it as well if I'm cynical. The first email was a giggle though - he's discovered which carpark I park in when I drive to work which is frequently when I'm running late. He's even noticed a pattern of where I've been parking. The email was teasing me about parking on xyz floor of xyz carpark and threatening to see if my dodgy dent is on the car if I deny it's me. I haven't parked there for a few days. He's obviously been thinking about it. How strange. I jokingly told him he's become my friendly neighbourhood stalker. As if - that'd mean he cares in some way shape or form. He's gone from silent and short sharp answers to chatty-chatty.
I received a call from GF this evening after dodging a call from her on the weekend. Surprise surprise, she's bored, her new bestest buddy has deserted her and she's wanting to chat. uh huh. I was insulted and cynical. But I was still happy to chat, just not as happy to treat things as if we were long lost besties. So when she complained about having no plans all weekend last weekend, I was quick to ask what the story was with her and her bestie. Sure enough, they've had a distancing/temporary falling out. Meantime she's trying to use me as a friend version of a gapfiller and strangely, I wasn't feeling too thrilled or flattered. I let it go after making the comment that those two were usually not seen without each other as my reason for not mentioning to her that I was heading to the pub last Friday. I think that said it all.
Lastly, an old friend's mother has been ringing me. She used to be a 'client' of my tarot readings. I use the term client though she never once paid me and I've never once charged anyone. But as much as she acted like a pal it was always purely so that she could get me to do readings for her, even once expecting me to drive the hour and a half-two hour drive out to her place to do a reading for her. NOT. ON. YOUR. LIFE. I saw it for what it was and the last sms I got from her a year ago was more or less a demand for me to come over to her place in a few hours notice to do a reading. Needless to say I never made the drive. It's strange, I was only just remembering the night I met her, two nights ago and wondering why her daughter and I lost contact. After not thinking of her for over 6 months, I'm putting it down to my instincts which are usually really good. But whether it was just a heads up that I was going to hear from her or if it was a sign I should help her... ahh I'm a little over being the go-to girl for anyone in problems who likes to use, when they aren't genuinely a friend of mine. I need to be a bit more selfish as I've been used up by people in the past. Let's face it, to get an sms this afternoon from MomofMel out of the blue after this sort of time, well I'm not stupid enough to believe it is out of some kind of pally wally motivation. So my gut reaction after getting this sms, was "gee I wonder what huge lovelife development has happened in her life, for her to be thinking of me again suddenly, wanting me to do her cards for free at her whim again like I hve nothing better to do than wait for her to call".
Sometimes it's not so great that people respect my readings. I'm beginning to see why people do charge for them. If you're going to be used for a service, at least cut the crap and charge them so the relationship stays professional and you don't get the sycophants trying to kiss arse every time they want a favour.
Sorry if I sound bitter and twisted - I'm actually in a good mood - empowed, a little cynical, but good. I've just finished watching a new episode of McLeod's Daughters, cooked a huge batch of mushroom, chicken, asparagus & leek risotto to divvy up into containers... I'll be getting sick and tired of the stuff within a few days but it's great for freezing in portions. Oh boy I'm sounding boring.
Oh, and GF yet again asked me if I'd spoken lately to DarkHorse. We don't speak in two weeks and she's asking about him again. Uh huh. I'm getting sick of being used.. by anyone and I'm seeing a pattern in her conversations. Seeing the Hippies in the Hills helped to remind me that I really don't need superficial self serving people in my life.
Oh and bosslady is going through some pretty major personal dramas in her life and in her own way she's asked me to keep them private for her. It explains the moods but doesn't make them much easier to deal with given she has total control over how I'm perceived by all the other managers, the MD, and is the person who I have to rely on for feedback of my performance. Having said that I wish she'd open up so that I could at least help her in whatever way by letting her talk it out. I still like/respect her, at least when she's not making me feel an inch tall for not having 8 arms.
- Angel - he's been away this weekend after sending me this quirky, but sweet little email on friendship and "though crap may part us, we'll always come back together" kind of email with two cartoon characters with hearts on them hugging, sent directly to me on Friday. This weekend, he's been away south of the state by about 4 hours, to his mother's house to help her pack up his father's things before selling up and moving out to something smaller and to move on. His father died of cancer in a shocked unexpected twist for him and his family soon after finding out, about 2 years ago. I got devastated phone calls and sms's from him during the whole ordeal at the time. He later described to me with tears in his eyes, seeing his father in the hospice, and I won't describe what he did but it wasn't nice. At least it was quick. But is that a good thing. Less time to be afraid, to watch your family suffer while you do, but less time to try to grasp on to life? Anyhow I digress. Angel is probably feeling more than a little fragile and usually does around this time of year. His birthday is on Tuesday too the poor thing. His father's is about 4 or so days after his, just before Christmas. THEN he has NYE to try to be chirpy on. Part of me in past years especially but even now, always wants to give him a hug, hold on to him and make him feel better. It won't help though and it isn't what he needs it's what I've needed in wanting to make him feel better so I don't any more. I did when he first came back... but I knew that it didn't mean anything to him other than a warm pair of arms to reassure him while he cried. At the time I adored him so I let it go as not caring that he didn't feel the same. Stupid. I should've just been his friend. I was getting drunk 2am sobbing calls after he'd been out drinking asking me to pick him up. ah well. He is possibly coming to dinner on Tues night (I invited him as a friend and a friend only). GF has lately been trying to encourage me to cut all contact & ties with him whatsoever as she tends to associate him in her better/worst moments with Scuba and Scuba is persona-wanna-be-rose-fertiliser right now. Angel on the other hand has been more steadfast about his general opinion of my friendship with GF and it's not been flattering for her.
- Gilligan - I'm still not convinced we have anything in common, but he's sweet, tall and cute. Considering him a friend. I don't have many platonic male friends so this will be novel. (ohh boy that made me sound like a tramp! I meant, no male friends who i've NEVER been intimate with. They either don't trust me to let me in past a certain point friendways or they do and erm.. things happen if we're in the slightest attracted to each other). He's possibly joining GF and I with his german friend who is visting, for NYE.
- DarkHorse - been back in contact with him again recently. GF not so strangely, has been pushing for me to catch up with him lots. I still think she has a crush on him herself but can't get a handle on him and if she thought she could get away with it she'd ask me for his number again. My crush for him is more or less dead as a doornail. That whole crappy experience on my birthday well and truly killed it. I'd like to be his friend, but he's a compulsive flirt. I don't think I'll go out of my way to actively cultivate that one too much. Tempted to even just give GF the number but part of me is still offended over the events of my bday and would rather chew my own arm off out of sheer bloody mindedness. The ironic thing is she drinks like a FISH and there is no way he would tolerate it in a relationship so it's doomed without even starting, (that's if he's even interested in her like that).
My friendship with GF .. she's back to gushing about how much she truly loves me as a closest friend. UH HUH. I still remember how I got blown off around Aug-October I have a very good memory of it actually. I learnt my lesson but I still do love her (as a friend, affectionately) but I won't be hurt like that again. We were meant to have been best friends.
Well it's been an interesting couple of days.
Gilligan gave me the impression on Friday that he might be interested or at the very least saw me as a new friend. Either way I'm pretty chuffed as he is a nice guy and if nothing else, he's been an example of everything that Angel (and his ilk), definitely can't measure up to, which has been nice.
Friday night we went to a fund raising drinks thing which got messy. I'm deliberately vague to keep confidentiality. I wondered vaguely if Angel was there, knowing that if he was he couldn't help turn into a guardian angel so to speak and starts hovering around. He ends up standing somewhere where he can watch me. Pathetic as it is part of me is flattered when he does it thinking that he does care or that he gets jealous. Pathetic. I don't know why in reality that he does that, some warped feeling of ownership who knows - I'm past turning myself into knots trying to figure it out like I would have done in the past. I just know he does it. He had come around for dinner just last Weds night after repeatedly telling me he wanted to see me and it wasn't a physical thing he really just wanted to catch up. Uh huh. As he went to leave he tried doing the whole cuddle good bye and not let go thing.
What can I say I'm weak but not that weak. He's a good kisser and I'd missed having any kind of affection or intimacy but it was at the back of my mind that with him it's just not real and I backed off and told him he should go home and he did. It was nice until then though, relaxed companionship, no moves made by him, catching up as friends and chatting about our houses and all sorts of mundane things. That's the side of things I'd miss if I end up cutting him off but I will if I start seeing someone if he can't back off and just be a friend.
Ok so back to Friday night, two days after him trying his hardest to be more than close to me, and he's standing a scant few feet away with his friend. His friend, TB, is a big maori guy whom I met before I met Angel. TB when I first met him while out with GF, had hung around me, very interested, most of the night. We hadn't exchanged numbers though as something about him just seemed a little TOO intent/serious and I was not interested in someone who was either trying to take me home for the night or wanted to propose marraige without knowing me so I socially skipped on into the crowd and lost him that night). About 8 months later, and I've met Angel a few times for coffee then somehow I'm coming up in conversation between Angel and TB over a few beers on a Sunday and they realise they both know me and Angel is sms'ing me. I've never told angel that TB had acted the way he had when I'd met him - I figured that was for TB to tell him or not, after all nothing had happened and I hadn't been interested though he seems like a nice guy and not unattractive, something just put me off and suddenly he was the best friend of a guy I'd been spending time with.
3 years later on and Angel being NO Angel I'm here in this very weird place mentally watching as if outside myself with TB trying to flirt with me and telling me I need to meet a nice guy instead of the bad boys I seem to be attracted to (subtle, not). TB then drops his bombshell, that Angel while interstate, was travelling with A GIRLFRIEND. Despite me having asked Angel if he was seeing someone and he denied it point blank telling me he's just not ready for a relationship. So ...the recent catch ups which were totally platonic were obviously some kind of "try to do the right thing while seeing someone" thing (I'm glad he has some kind of morals at least), but they busted up apparently while interstate and when Angel came back suddenly I'm getting sms's up to 3-4 times a night on weekends asking when he can see me. I wasn't too amused but cynical about it.
Angel, obviously feeling a tad strange about me talking to his best friend for so long sidles up to join in the conversation after giving me a few of his 'specially warm smiles' from across the crowd. I turn to him in drunken amusement (probably coming off like a drunken bitter lush) and said a little brittly "hey I'm sorry to hear you busted up with your girlfriend while in Melbourne!" and threw that clanger out there to see his reaction. He stumbled verbally, didn't deny it, then did deny it and meantime I flitted off into the crowd I was with to talk to someone else in disgust.
Meantime Gilligan who had wandered off to socialise with some of the people from work and to watch the band up closer, came back to talk to me a few times which seemed to make Angel all interested in staring off in my direction a lot more. Too bad. I wasn't going to use Gilligan to get even though - he's too nice and secondly, throwing myself at a guy from work is not a good move, as tempting as it was for a few reasons at the time, not all of them bad ones.
Angel ceased to exist, and I kept socialising. Angel continued to hover as did TB ..it was very very weird those two and the dynamic going on there and I really was starting to get scared about how TB thought he was fitting into things or if he thought I was honestly loose enough to jump from one friend to another ...the way he hung around all very intently, I had that impression and it really was insulting, whether real or imagined.
I can't BELIEVE I trotted up into a building that I don't work in with someone else's security lanyard and went up in the lift to a competitor to my work's offices to use the facilities ...what can I say, there were queues about 30 women long for the ladies' downstairs and a perfectly vacant set of toilets upstairs. In hindsight, ooo not a good thing. One of the guys who worked there gave it to me, gave me the instructions and so I cheerfully (and a little drunkenly) made the trip all by myself. I'm just relieved I didn't set off an alarm but also praying that the person who let me go upstairs doesn't get busted later on for me doing that - mining & resources industry isn't so keen on breaches in security.
We were leaving this large party and look who pops up to join us but DarkHorse. I've not tried to speak to him or contact him since my birthday dinner. He looked good but tired. Gave me a huge kiss on the cheek and gushed on about not hearing from me, but he has not made any effort to talk to me either or any effort to catch up. I had already begun to notice that before my birthday and I wasn't keen on being the girl who chases after some guy who she stupidly had a crush on and all for nought. The crush was killed back in October I think but I still think he looked good. By this stage I was getting a little drunker than I'm proud of admitting (never a good look for anyone)
We kicked on for a bit, with people dwindling away (including DarkHorse who spoke to the other girls more than he spoke to me - I think I was used as a foothold into that crowd for the evening..I don't care).
Nasty hangover the next morning (about a 7 on the richter scale) and I had to start preparing the house for a bbq which I'd unwisely planned. Gilligan even hired a car to drive to where I am though I'm not that far away..bit much? I thought it was cute. He had other plans as well which needed the car so no biggie. So, I find out that not only is Gilligan a great piano player, he speaks german, he plays cricket, and he's starting to look cuter to me and less gawky and awkward. Mmm which obviously means he was seeming less and less interested in me OF COURSE. I ended up with a group of about 9 or 10 of us - nibbling away on garlic prawn kebabs, satay chicken kebabs, salads, sausages, steak.. the others drank and I stuck to the fruitjuice.
A more thoughtful and helpful person I couldn't have found other than in Gilligan but he made no real effort to talk to me to get to know me better but socialised with the others. It gave me a chance to check him out more and I decided he was kind of cute. I'm sure it'll pass but a passing observation was that he is in fact quite cute.
He left after a while (plans today) and I don't think he drinks that much either but it was nice for him to meet some of my old old friends who are all nice, friendly and welcoming people.
ShyGuy (or did I dub him mouse I can't remember?) well the poor lad's eyes bugged out when ChefGurl's more glamorous twin arrived. I'm sure he was enjoying the view. ChefGurl isn't a glam chick but she's just as beautiful and more relaxed less high strung and reactionary. I still love her sister to bits but more of a little sister to take care of kind of way.
Any-howw a tale or two was told of me being a drunken lush before Gilligan left, I'm sure it firmly placed in his mind that I'm some kind of drunken ... well I won't even go there but I figured that would well and truly kill it. These guys bring up tales that might have happened once or twice in the whole time I've known them. Geez... c'mon no fair.
I have friends joining me for lunch in about 20 mins so I'd best fly but there you go, latest update. Oh and I stuffed something up at work last week which has probably most definitely made my boss completely and utterly rabid given her recent mood (and now add to that, jetlag from a trip overseas for work and a pile of urgent drama things to deal with in her absence which I tried to handle as best as possible. I could almost swear that it was a full moon for all the crazy stuff people decided to kick up about but nope it wasn't - sadly, as we ended up using tealights to play Bocci bowling so that we could see in my backyard last night (kheh heh). :)
Me, last night, I stayed on softdrink or fruitjuice - not a single drop of alcohol.
Ok, given up on DarkHorse altogether. Not once did he wish me a happy birthday. He'd forgotten about dinner until his diary reminded him that he had "a dinner" with me and my friends on last night. More than given up I don't want him any more. I still think he's a great guy in some respects.
SOOO you're possibly wondering whether GF was silly enough to push herself at DarkHorse. It was the other way around. I don't know if she just has a thing for DarkHorse in particular, or if Scuba's harsh comments to her recently about his expectations from a woman just spurred her to action, but she looked fantastic. She had gone all out in a frock that she'd self admittedly spent far too much money on. She has started exploring the world of makeup this week. She even got me to help her apply it before we went. GF turned heads at the pub that I'd arranged for this dinner to be at and rightly so.
DarkHorse was there, but just about completely ignored me. He spent the whole time trying to charm my female friends, but it didn't take him long to zone in on GF. He invited her to join him at his tennis club's open day today, and sat with her most of the night despite his seat being at the opposite end of the table, flirting with GF and Nanna. I realised something. He's only there to chase women and to flirt. I can't judge him for that, it's something I'd do. But I'd wish the guy whose birthday it was, a happy birthday, and make an effort to talk to him a bit too. Sure my ego is a little bruised too but I could overlook that but for the simple fact that he's proved himself to only be a social acquaintance rather than a possible good friend despite the fact that at heart he is basically a great guy. I was definitely sensitive about GF spending so much time with him though, given she'd offended me so badly only a week or so ago, by calling me drunk to ask for his phone number and totally snubbing the idea of inviting me.
So, in a nutshell, it was great to spend time with everyone there and that's all that I wanted and appreciated, spending time with a decent selection of my friends - the warmhearted pot smoking hippy vegetarian, the outspoken and brash old old friend who cackled her way through dinner and as always managed to look very glamorous and you'd not pick her as a new mother. There was the little shy guy who doesn't say boo any time he goes to anything, who apparently has a crush on me, but doesn't say anything and yes I could understand where he was coming from and I didn't want to hurt his feelings either ..and yep I even see the irony... but he's just this little shy mouse who I'd end up walking all over so it could never work.
Anyhow, the numbers dwindled, and soon there was a group of about 7 or 8 of us. GF and DarkHorse were so immersed in discussing and deciding between them that we were all going to kick on to the "Blue Bar" (changing the name here of course), that I stood back in resentment feeling very annoyed. GF had not made much effort at all to mingle or to talk to my other friends whom she's never been interested in meeting throughout the evening. Neither of them bothered to ask what the others would want let alone what I would want. Finally, they informed me that I should want to go to this place. It was one thing for them to bond but another thing altogether to make me feel like I was completely left out and even ignored/dismissed for most of the night.
I mean, c'mon having a group of 15 of my closest friends join you for dinner for my birthday wasn't about gifts .. oh no. It was all shamelessly about me wanting the attention of a bunch of the people I cared about. Shameless little attention-whore that I am. ;) I was determined not to be a pouty "it's my party and I'll cry if I want to" kind of girl though and shrugged it off or tried to. I walked away from them telling them I wasn't interested in the Blue Bar and that I was happy to stay at the venue which we were at but said it in a cheery way and they tried to assure me that with a few more drinks I would be in Blue Bar mood. For all that GF kept saying it was all about me and it was my night (trying to make me out to be an even bigger princess), it wasn't about me or what I wanted at all and the hypocracy of it grated on me. Finally, after another 10 minutes, DarkHorse turned and asked me across the table what I wanted to do. That was it, I started to get a little amused-sarcastic and said "ohh ok so it's finally about what I want to do or where I want to go now is it? I was quite happy to stay here!" GF's radar finally picked up on a mood (gee erm, YA THINK?) and she piped up and girl-gallantly offered to go and buy me a drink, after asking me if I was antsy. Putting it back on me rather than recognising that I could've been wallpaper for all the attention I'd gotten from them the past few hours.
I made a point of then turning to my other remaining friends who they seemed happy to disregard, and asked them what THEY would like to do. I gave up to keep the peace and agreed to the BlueBar when noone else seemed totally anti the idea. We trudged the 15-20 minutes down the road to find the venue, with GF and DarkHorse literally linking arms and walking on ahead with heads turned in towards each other deep in D&M conversation about 20-30 paces ahead of us. They arrived at the venue ahead of us without once turning around to see where the rest of us were. If the roles were reversed, GF would've been pretty badly insulted.
We get to the front, there's a $5 entry fee. That was it, I didn't want a bar of it (no pun intended) given I didn't want to be there in the first place,and rolled my eyes and suggested we head back to where we were. Again, I get outvoted by those two insisting we go to another yuppy bar instead of back to the one we were at. We trudge back again, this time GF made a point of walking ahead with her token guy friend whom she had brought along and striding ahead and making little or no effort at all to talk to the others. DarkHorse stayed back with us but by that stage I'd had enough of him and didn't want to talk to him at all. This whole gushy bonding thing was making me feel rather rejected as childish and as selfish as that sounds.
We get to the next venue and there is a queue. I'm saying I'm not a big fan of paying entry fees or queing but agreed to wait for a few seconds out the front because the others were quite insistent. At this stage, DarkHorse turns on his heel and tells us he's going to go and quickly departs. It was odd, but you know at that point I just didn't care to find out what was going on in his head and I was kind of relieved.
We ended up going back to the venue which we'd left some 50 or so minutes previously, giving up on the line, and GF stood around sulking and surveying the crowd and sat in a corner with her token guy friend watching everyone rather than trying to join me or my friends in conversation. She again tried asking what I wanted to do and I told her - I'd be quite happy to go home now. I hitched a lift with a friend to save on cab fare, and headed home, actually wishing that she hadn't have been staying with me. Oh crud.. I've just remembered telling GF and DarkHorse that if they wanted to stay at the BlueBar and kick on that the rest of us could leave them to it.
So today, I'm left with a rather jaded view on the evening but I'm still really stoked about my friends all making the effort to come along. I just won't be making much of an effort with DarkHorse at all again (ok so maybe my crush made him uncomfortable but there are better ways to deal with it) or with GF for that matter unless it's just the two of us and no focus on her meeting any of my other friends. So there's my childish sulk for the morning. ;)
I caught up with GF yesterday for coffee after she emailed me asking me if I would meet her. The mood I got even over email was apologetic. Extremely. She was mortified by her behaviour.
I have no issues with the f*ck you sms received on my mobile. I still have problems with her trying to poach my friends while not making any effort with me, while drunk. She said yesterday that she was relieved that I didn't give her DarkHorse's number (he later sms'd me telling me he had been home all week with a nasty flu). She told me stories of the rotten things she'd done to others that day and seemed quite embarassed by herself.
Except, she will do it again I know she will. And I think she knows I can only be pushed so far before I'll snap completely and the friendship won't be repairable. She would want to watch herself on Friday night at my birthday dinner, because if I see her exchanging numbers with DarkHorse I will be majorly questioning her motives. Because of our past friendship though I'm giving it another chance, but to know that when drunk, her first instinct was to ask for his number and not even see if I'd join her. She doesn't know him that well and only through me but I'm still not normally possessive of my friends.. but I'm still getting to know him myself and I'd rather not be eclipsed right from the beginning by her big personality in a friend way. Is that selfish of me? But our friendship is shakily mended after sitting down to a nibble plate and talked for a bit.
Email to GF which I nearly sent:
Hi I’m sending this now, rather than talk to you while you’re pissed post-spring in the valley and crap on your afternoon/evening.
The first time you suggested something social and that I invite DarkHorse, and when I said I didn’t want to invite him as I needed some space from him after you had meddled in our friendship and I felt a bit awkward around him, I was suddenly uninvited after saying I didn't want to see him for a few weeks. I was willing to let it go as you possibly figuring I wasn’t interested and I didn't want to overreact.
Today, you rang me to ask me for DarkHorse's number as you guys had gotten back to the city centre, (after asking me what I’d been doing today and NOT asking about whether I had plans for this evening and never once asking if I’d be interested in joining you) and you said that you girls wanted DarkHorse to join you. You've only ever met him through me which adds insult to injury. I’d originally agreed thinking you were asking for his number because you were out somewhere in the (insert wine region name) as well and I was going to send him your way to link up if you were in the same area while I wasn’t, before realising you’re back in town. No mention of me joining you. I’ve never ever thought you’re keen on DarkHorse so know that this email isn’t coming from jealousy. Out of hurt. If it’d been any of my other friends who you don't know that well, and you’d asked the same question without considering having me along as well, I’d still be offended. I’m putting it down to you being a bit pissed, but I had to tell you I’m offended.
Think back to when I first met Nanna, and if I’d rang you to ask for her number while you were in the area yourself saying I wanted to ask her out with my friends and I, and I didn’t ask you if you wanted to go … would I have been in the shit? Hell yes. I’ll talk to you in person tomorrow probably after I catch up with N&L at 11, but I had to get my feelings down somehow.
I've not sent this to her but I sent her an sms saying "what would you do if I rang while out to ask for xyz's number so I could ask her out without inviting you or offering for you to go too at least, to see if you wanted to?" She's since tried to drunkenly call me back three times. Not interested. Partially because I don't want a stousch with someone who is drunk and I'm hurt, disappointed, a bit angry and annoyed, but letting it go rather than fighting and seeing it as our friendship having obviously dissipated a great deal, that she'd be so rude to me. Before she went overseas for a year, she'd NEVER have thought to behave like that. She used to call me her best friend. I think the overwhelming feeling is let down, disappointed and hurt.
She's meant to be coming along to my birthday dinner with everyone else on Friday, and now I wish she'd just get the hell out of my social life. I let a lot of things go as just stupid or thoughtless but now I'm furious. Earlier this week over lunch (actually, two days ago over sushi!) she told me there is no way in hell she or any of the girls would attempt to socially catch up with a guy friend who I have the hotts for, without including me. I felt a warm touch of appreciation for the sentiment. I'd have not minded if I was out of town or not even around but I am, I have no plans and I wasn't included. AND she'd already forgotten that we had plans to go to the pub for a quiet drink last night and instead made other plans to see her new little girl-posse and didn't even invite me to join them. I have enough friends without needing to put up with rubbish from someone who is obviously going through a self absorbed phase.
So, tell me if you like how would you feel about someone who used to claim to be your closest friend and you them, after they had dismissed you and in the process admitted drunkenly to wanting to socialise with a guy who you have some conflicting feelings of friendship and attraction for, and went to the lengths of requesting the guy's telephone number? Rude?
Meantime the girls who had been on the other bus were telling me how an old friend of mine (who, grantedly, can be moody), had verbally snapped the heads off the 3 of them and ranted on in front of a busload about something pathetic (really pathetic, like whether they could take a packet of crisps down the back of the bus with them). I'm loathe to take sides in something that isn't my issue but one of the girls had just met her that day and was taken aback at how vilely rude she was which is again disappointing. I think yesterday was a day of drink and bad manners for a lot. The sun was georgeous, our first 30 degrees celcius day in a while, and I think I got the better end of the deal, by spending the day with my sister, nephew, then mum and aunt later in the day before catching up with the merry not-agro girls later in the evening.
OH and an honourable mention to one of the cheery lot from last night, who was horrified at herself for slapping a guy so hard her hand hurt. Background: they were at one of the wine tasting venues, standing in a crowd of people sampling tasters of wine that they'd just purchased. A drunken big tall man stumbles backwards into my group of 3 women, apologises as he's turning his head saying "ohh sorrry!" before looking them then up and down and saying "oh no actually I'm not sorry - you're f*cking UGLY". What is ugly in Aus is that men (not all but there is about a 10% portion) will actually say rotten things like this out of some kind of neanderthal-ness. The girls he stumbled into, ok two of them weren't models, the third could be, and two of the three are really quite striking. Anyhoo one of them turned heel to stalk away in shock. Then shock turned swiftly to anger and she stalked back up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around she gave him a resounding slap that whipped his head around. His posse of drunken friends could have gotten ugly but instead they cheered on the performance out of drunken amusement and I think it was his turn to be shocked, while meantime she strode off stiff backed.
Ok the latest in my non-dating life!
- ReAcquaintance - I called him back after a few days (I genuinely WAS busy! and I thought he'd be the same and we were only to catch up as friends as far as I know?). Well, I can't believe it but I actually got blown off, AFTER he had the nerve to ask after my brother in law and sister (whom he obviously remembered as the main reason why he had contacted me) to ask me if I was still in contact with them and to remember him to them. I came out with a slightly sarcastic 'umm well yes I AM related to them!" before reminding him that my aunt is in town from Canada and that we had all caught up with her on Monday, to remove a bit of the sting from the comment. An aside here.. I ran into RA again after ages, at a mutual friend's wedding where he was possibly trying to schmooze with my brother in law as being one of the "it-crowd" in his circles. pfft. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and when he gushed on my voicemail about catching up for dinner "sooner rather than later" because he really did seem like a nice guy despite the circles he mixes in. I took it at face value but jeez. I've just been blown-off by someone I wasn't even sure I was attracted to.
- DarkHorse - no word from him since he didn't get back in touch with me Sat evening to possibly catch up. ? Maybe he's travelling overseas yet again for work. DarkHorse, he's a nice guy a good friend possibly but I really really don't think he's interested. I wish. He's not a pretty boy but wow he has something about him. Quiet confidence in spades.
- Angel - stood me up on a semi promise on Fri night. Oi, I don't know about you guys, but an offer for no strings liaison should not be sneezed at I would think? Especially with someone he's admitted there is definitely fire-spark with? hmph. That situation has rapidly outgrown it's usefulness and fizzled for me. I've still not gotten an actual apology for not getting back to me/dismissing the suggestion. I'm assuming he's started seeing someone. If/when that fizzles. I have to admit my ego's a little dented. But then, I was sms'ing DarkHorse earlier in the night to see what he was up to and that was probably where my attention was really focussed anyway despite our platonic friends status. I'll say this for him though - he IS a friend, he does know me quite well, and he's DEFINITELY scenic. But he's not been relationship material for about the past year and a half that I've known him.
(an aside - if I WAS seeing anyone, they would have my undividided attention. But I'm not. Noone with any genuine intentions).
My latest puzzle... and I've been guilty of it too at times but still don't get it. GF rang me this evening to have a cry about Scuba, her version of a Big, who had been kind enough to offer to include her in the posse of 6 women which he has been actively dating. Scuba had been earbashing GF about it all, and even had the gall to tell her that she isn't as thin as he would normally be attracted to. WHY is it that people are so attracted to the people who are going to treat them like dirt?
It's like a sexual relationship version of lemmings! Even DarkHorse, when I met him, was pining after a girl (FlightGurl) who has a problem with alcohol, pining after men who are bad for her, and treated him like a doormat meantime. It frustrates me that he doesn't realise that I would've treated him like a king .. but then maybe that's not what he's looking for and really wanted to be treated badly. *shrugging* I won't sit around pining for him otherwise I'm just as guilty of sexual lemming-ism.
My mission to myself: "I, Vixen, shall not give anyone the time of day if they aren't going to make a decent effort to get to know me and treat me well. In return I'll treat them so well they won't WANT to wander off anywhere else". PHWAR... mental perve... watching a transition lenses advert when I glanced up and ended up admiring a very chiselled jaw. jeez that reminds me..
GF gave me hell last Friday for being attracted to only very beautiful men. Maybe that's my problem. Turned by a pretty face when they usually have the massive ego to match. Ok so let's add to that little mission statement.. but to be honest though, I really don't care if I go out with anyone for the time being. Let's just see over the next 6-12 months how I do. Meantime feel free to give your take on why people do the lemmings thing ok? Because I'm stuffed if I can figure it out!
"I, Vixen, shall not give anyone the time of day if they aren't going to make a decent effort to get to know me and treat me well. I will try to pay more attention to the guy who is shyer and not as overconfident in future. In return I'll treat them so well they won't WANT to wander off anywhere else".
Rat an old friend, inspired me to blather on today...
My aunt is over from Canada - I haven't seen her since I was sixteen. She hasn't changed a bit. Still the funky stylish older lady. Softly spoken accent, similar interests to me in movies.. we did lunch yesterday on the public holiday to spend time with nephew and chat to Aunty.
Meantime, I've heard from ReAcquaintance who definitely wants to catch up for dinner sometime soon. DarkHorse contacted me to see what I was up to on Saturday but nothing came of it. But I think all in all I'm feeling a change in the air too. I've given up completely on Angel though we're still friends, there is no spark there. I've been taking time out to work on the house and paint it. Work's been going well and I have a week off coming up (oh despite working til 7pm this evening hmph) and I'm ok about turning 34... really! Believe me yet? ;)
GF seems to have settled with whatever was bugging her and our friendship is on more of an even keel too.
Work, mmeh I get a little frustrated that I'm picking up major in effect but basic in theory errors that the more senior (higher paid) people in my department are making. If I don't get a payrise in the next year I'll be looking elsewhere or milking them for all the training I can get out of them before beating a hasty departure outta there.
Nope I've not made a start on writing a book. I'm having some serious self doubts about it but I'll have to give it a shot or I'll never know. Shite I've just realised that it is nine pm and I still haven't called ReAquaintance back. Not my fault - I would've gotten in from work around 7:40ish. He's going to think I'm avoiding him *wince*
Later in the night last night, feeling a bit cynical about any chance of anything aside from friendship happening with DH, and feeling a little vulnerable for some attention, I sms'd Angel to see what he was up to and suggested catching up later in the evening. We were on a half promise depending how messy his night with the lads got and that didn't phase me in the slightest. My ego was a little dented when I didn't hear from him. I'm letting that 'relationship' go - it's outlived it's usefulness (and to be completely honest, it was never about the s*x as he isnt' that fabulous in that area, but it was nice to occasionally have someone who is a friend, to come by and stay the night and snuggle up especially after a bad week or if I'd been feeling low). I'll keep in touch with him as a friend instead.
Meantime ReAcquaintance has rung me and sms'd me to suggest catching up for dinner sometime soon and apologised profusely for not catching up sooner (I've gathered now that he is definitely keen in more than friendship and I'm not sure how I feel about that but I'm still treating it as catching up with an old friend and not overthinking it).
It is grand final day for our football code today. Our state's team was in the grand final and it was a huge deal. I was madly trying to process some visa applications yesterday with my door locked to stop people bothering me, with faint sounds rising up from the main street of the city below, of girls whooping and shouting out "go the XXX!" (name of the team)
Today, the shops were more or less deserted, with stores who would normally not be visited by me on a Saturday due to the heavy traffic at times not having anyone at their counters.
A friend of mine who recently broke up with her partner, after they found out she was pregnant and he demanded she have an abortion, is feeling a little low and in need of company which I was only too happy to provide. We spent the day snooping through house ware stores - I behaved fairly well though as I have a mortgage payment to meet soon. We had just started snooping and shop attendants had stopped to watch little tv's set up in corners of the stores at some venues. I got an sms from DarkHorse (DH), asking me what I was doing for the game. I rang him back to tell him that I had plans to shop, then go home to paint walls and have a glass of wine or two with a friend of mine back here at home but that he was welcome to join us. He'd been asking as he had plans to go to a pub with some friends and wanted to see what I was up to (I'm still not sure whether to join me or have me join him or to find out what the other girls were up to).
I joked that GF and her posse had cheerfully told me that if I planned to talk my way through the game, then to forget it and not to join them though I was tentatively invited. DH was more horrified I think than I was not thinking that was very polite. I was quietly chuffed that he was loyal enough to me as a friend to be annoyed by that and dismissive of what the other girls were up to and more interested in what I was up to, considering joining up with ChefGurl and I later. This after I talked with him for a little bit on Friday night after we barely missed each other at a local bar after work. He'd just gotten back from another trip to Korea the previous night and sounded a little tired.
ChefGurl and I continued to snoop before heading back to my place to start painting. With the music up loud (oldies but goodies - U2 and Queen) we bopped along in front of half painted walls with the windows open and a slight breeze blowing through my place. Max of course couldn't handle it and fell scrambling into a paint tray at least once. I half hoped DH would join us but I really didnt think, with the party atmosphere around from the grand final, that he would end up leaving the pub that he was at.
My bathroom is now painted, and a base coat & one coat of pearlescent paint in my bedroom - it's a little pinker than I wanted which i'm not thrilled with, but it's looking great. My room looks like a bomb hit it though as I had to pull a bunch of clean clothes out of drawers to lighten up a tall boy in a corner to shift it out to paint behind it. They're on the floor where I tossed them (on a mission to keep going). Just as well I never heard back from DH. I'm sitting on the couch typing, with streaks of paint in my hair and over my hands and clothes.
Jeez. DH... I was chuffed he made the effort to find out if I was out. Angel, a bit miffed as he should've been thrilled that I suggested catching up again but that's pathetic of me and he was saying goodbye to a friend who is going to travel overseas. To be honest, the whole Angel situation has died down to a comfortable friendship without much spark there for me anyway any more. ReAcquaintance... mmm. He's a nice guy but he's so very very different from anyone else I've gone out with before and much older than me which is not something I've ever been interested or even considered before... mm.
Confession: as pathetic as it is, my heart lifted to have had DH make an effort to touch base with me today. Not asking about the other girls or anyone else but what was I up to in the hope of possibly catching up. The thing is, he is just merely a nice guy, interested in friendship in all probability. I shouldn't let my hopes get out of proportion but I really do like him. Simple. He's a sweet thoughtful gentleman GUY (very very male in a lot of respects) whose quickwitted sense of wry humour I appreciate. I'd kill to have him as a male friend but I think the attraction/wishful thinking side of things might possible ruin any chance of that long term but we'll see.
Oh and I got a disgruntled phonecall from GF who told me in a wry way that I was lucky I didn't go as she herself was bored out of her brain at the fanatical fans watching the footie on the screen and theatrically covering faces (the winning team won by 1 point).
My low mood of a few days ago has dissipated. Instead, I'm focussing on my other friendships and still seeing a bit of GF, but not thinking of her as the best friend that I used to.. letting go of that a little now.
Hey do any of you guys buy yourselves birthday presents? Little things that you have your heart set on, buy them for yourself rather than wait to see if anyone picked up on the fact that you wanted them? :) Well I do. I bought myself a moonstone pendant set in silver that I'd been admiring. I really need to watch my finances as I've stretched them a little too far though.
