Miss False, prior to a year ago, I'd seen her only twice. She had "transferred", dumping me after bonding with couple-friends of mine (far more convenient and appropriate for Miss False obviously)... Miss False I'll dub her because she strikes false to me at the moment, almost cold. So the two times I'd seen her twice in the past 2 nearly 3 years: Once babysitting for her while she was heavily pregnant so she and her hubby could go out for one last dinner before the second bub was born. She went into labour that very next morning/partially that evening when she got home but she thought it was indigestion. The next time I see her due to a series of things which stopped me from seeing her in hospital, was at Transfer Friend's girls' night to celebrate her birthday, about a year & a half later. I had rung her, sms'd her and emailed her and never got a response. That night, we got along well enough but I'd been hearing all night about how that 4some were constantly catching up, dinners etc. Nice. I'd not even gotten a CALL. Miss False gushes on about how we should catch up again blah blah. Obviously I was a little reserved but agreed we should catch up if nothing else for the sake of not being rude. The next morning at Transfer Friend's place, Miss False is as crook as a dog, throwing up constantly and can't drive the 45 minutes home in the wrong direction from my place. I still offered to drive her home. I drove her home, she settles into a bath without so much as a thank you and I waited an hour while her hubby rang a district nurse to check what medications she could take and still breastfeed her baby. More like an hour and a half. But I understood. It was my Sunday, I'd stayed the night at Transfer Friend's and was itching to head home for a shower and to change, it was about 1pm by this stage but I waited. Miss False's hubby needed me to drive him back up there to pick up their second car. I did it (another 45 min trip). Dropped him off after loaning him a cd, and headed for home (another 45 min trip). I got home around about 2:30/3pm and most of my weekend was gone. Well, I heard nothing from them since despite hearing yet more stories of the 4 of them all catching up for dinners, and bonding in all sorts of social situations. I was hurt, offended and angry. Not to mention I wanted my cd back and felt they should call me to initiate the return of it under the circumstances. NOTHING. Another year goes by and after hearing through friends how Miss False had sniped to everyone that I mustn't have time for her with being busy in my single life. I was starting to seethe a little. I see her at Transfer Friend's next girls' night. Uh huh. She pipes up just after walking in, acting defensive and saying a bit self consciously "oh hello stranger, long time no hear!" with a sarcastic edge. The rest of the girls there fell silent. I was trying to tell myself not to create a scene. But I did say in a rather lazy amused voice "that's funny, the last time I saw you was a year ago tomorrow, when I drove you home while you were sick remember? I haven't heard from you SINCE". That shut her up. Meantime Transfer Friend is gushing on about all their social catchups. Miss False gushes on about how we should catch up (surprise, it's the modus operandi). Nearly a year ago now. Nothing. So flash forward to this past week, sure I was furious when Miss False wants to try to meet with and bond with my sister after hearing through Transfer Friend that she had been invited to my sister's place for a girls' night. Didn't it strike her as odd that I'd not invited her, myself? No it shouldn't have done given we'd not been in contact and frankly I didn't want the friendship after all that muck under the bridge. She didn't even have the balls to call me to arrange an invite to my sister's place herself. Transfer Friend had commented to me in the past (which was really bitchy and I'd not bought into it myself) that Miss False is too impressed by shows of wealth and liked to bignote her friends with wealth and influence. So I'm seeing all kinds of reasons why after 3 years of silence she'd want to drag herself along to my sister's place, but none of those reasons anything to do with me or our now deflated friendship. I know I'm giving this all far too much thought, but when people act in such a disappointing way it really really bugs me. I used to think of Miss False and her husband as good friends. Not close but good friends. I've been invited to go to the next girls' party of Transfer Friend .. I'm thinking of finding a reason not to go and leave them to it rather than be tempted to call the other girl out if she tries to gush on again. It's just getting too uncomfortable any time she doesn't call a spade a spade - she should either let it go or put in the effort, she annoys me further even though I shrug it off as her feeling guilty. If she had just shrugged it off as us drifting apart fine. I'm lucky to have much more genuine friends in people like TallFriend, Transfer Friend herself, Copfriend and others. Once I've moved house I need to reconnect with everyone who I've not seen for a while and refresh connections with the people who I do care about. I've been feeling a bit isolated with house, work & study stuff and I'm sure the absence isn't appreciated by my friends. Chefgurl came to town about a week ago, she's doing well, broke up with the guy who she was more or less living with but is still running the business which they'd originally bought together. Country life suits her she seems so happy. Eyore is eyore in name only now since she met this great guy who worships her. They fight occasionally but who doesn't. She's now immersed in her relationship life and doesn't make the effort to call me back or keep in touch now as much, until they argue then I get the late night phone call. I'm hoping they come up for air once the honey moon period is over and I can see her more often. Im happy for them I just miss the friendship I've lost touch with since she dropped off the planet. I swing between occasionally getting disappointed by people and wondering if perhaps I'm doing something wrong in my friendships. I know i can get a bit hermit-like when I'm stressed, but it's only because I don't want to be a wet dishrag and pass on the 'joy'. I guess i can't be responsible for others' actions only my own and keep going on that basis. I know I sound a bit neurotic, but my friendships mean a lot to me. I see them as family and care about them. To be let down by them hurts. I just hope I don't let them down though - I try not to. Yep I am hearing myself, I need to get a life again. Once the house stuff is sorted and I've gotten a bit more ahead in my studies, give it the 2 weeks' hols and hopefully things will be on a more even keel. But the amount of my energy that my work takes out of my life at the moment is not healthy either. With 2 weeks hols, expect a much cheerier posting person. :) At least I hope so. Pics of the new place (which I'll warn you upfront, needs work) are to follow. Max won't know himself when he can go outside.
Well it's less than a week now until I move house. The final inspection of my current place has come and gone and it's all been successful. It's surreal that this time next week I'll be in my new place. I'm excited & nervous - I loathe moving. The new place doesn't have a bath so I'll have to make the most of this one before I go. It's going to be a sharp turnaround time for moving - the keys for this place are legally due at the same time the keys are due for the new place. I've booked a removalist for Sat morning at 9:30am. I'm PRAYING they show up on time - but removalists never do *BIG WINCE*
Angel-Weariness. What to say. I care about him, sometimes too much and my defensive walls feel like they're crumbling. Spending time with him makes me feel good at the time but seems empty of any substance later but I don't have any time to meet anyone more real - real meaning more really 'there' rather than on a whim. Sometimes I think he cares, other times I think he's a player. Luckily it's never been an issue because he doesn't seek any kind of commitment beyond assuming we'll see each other once a week. It's disappointing & hurtful that he doesn't show interest in my life beyond a certain level, (he's never once really asked me with great enthusiasm ANYTHING about the new place which is a pretty huge thing in my life). But not too hurtful and certainly not surprising after 3 years. He seems to see me as "his" somehow on some kind of comfort/taking for granted level but likes to chase when I back away. It's nice for now but he doesn't own me - he could win my whole heart if he tried properly but he's never tried and not likely to (I wonder if hell is feeling frosty) He'll quite possibly find that out the hard way that he doesn't own me. Right now I'm off the whole thing all together. If I'm lonely again I might weaken. I hope not though - I'm not proud of the situation and I do NOT want to be a doormat.
So, onto cheerier topics, I'm away from work for 2 weeks. It took working til 7 at least 3 or more nights over last week but I got nearly everything together well enough for my boss to take over the reins and prearranged a heap. I was also told, disappointingly enough for me anyway, "you'd best make sure not a THING is out of place or there'll be hell to pay when you get back" (in a nutshell slightly differently worded but that was the gist). I worked my ASS off. If it's not in order, tough. Then it comes down to the amount of work.
I'm fighting a cold, first day of ...well let's just say a severely sore abdomen woke me up (sorry lads for the overshare and I'm keeping this anonymous) woo this week of packing boxes is going to be "schpecial" to be facetious.
I'm happy though - stressed from house move, being behind in my online studies.. but I'm good. i need more of a social life back (and to meet NORMAL guys perhaps) but for the time being, house move, study, and family have ruled my life. They are my own goals though.
