I don't have a clue for a title as yet.
Christmas was quiet - only mum and dad both came over to my place, the others were scattered around at other extended family events. Boxing Day the nucleus of our family got together at my sister's place for a belated Christmas lunch. It was fun - my brother and I blew up an inflatable set of goals and a soccer ball which was also a flimsy inflatable ball and we started booting the ball around my sister's formal loungeroom much to our nephew's delight, who swung between shrieking and running around overexcited and trying to join in. :) too cute.
Later after lunch we all ended up in the pool with Nephew padling around on the steps and my brother and I having water fights. Sis was a little cranky (I think she was tired and uncomfortable given she's due to have my 3rd nephew on 10th February). It's debateable whether Nephew ran us ragged or the other way around but he's adorable. I love that he trusts us as family. Beyond what a mere friend of my sister's might be trusted. It's innate. He knows in his heart that we love him and we'd protect him. Obviously those who spend more time with him get more of that trust of course but it's precious to me.
The sun was damn hot over the past few days - even today was fairly toasty but at least there was a gusty wind blowing around so I left all the windows open to keep airflow happening, after a 37degree day yesterday (ick). The hot days it's hard to enjoy - unless I was a sunbunny (I'm not) who tanned, wasn't worried about skin cancer, and who didnt mind spending their days out at the beach not worrying about tidal rips or allergies to seaweed. Me, I'm lilly white or if I've been in the sun too much I'm lobster nuclear-glowing red. WHen I'm sunburnt people can almost SEE the heat emnating out of my skin for a few days afterwards and wince quite visibly. Needless to say I avoid it wherever possible and on uncomfortably hot days I hide indoors. My house still manages to stay several degrees cooler but it was uncomfortable.
Boxing Day eve, I had tentatively agreed to see a movie with GF and an ex-lover of hers. I wasn't keen on playing 3rd wheel however, and she'd given me the out of saying "well if you're tired or something after a big family catch up we'll understand..." so it was far too easy to think that she'd not mind if I bowed-out. Especially after I got yet another sms from Angel asking where I was and if he could see me (I even got one Christmas Eve and Christmas Day night... but it never really tee'd up between our schedules).
SO, Angel and I had dinner, chatted about his career, about our friends respectively, about my house and cat, his house.. his family, his frame of mind as well, even philosophy. I like spending time with him when he's more relaxed and less defensive. We then went and checked out "Night at the Museum" which I loved. It's cheesy family-movie stuff but damn it has a great cast and I loved it purely for what it was. I was however very aware of Angel being beside me ... our arms pressed against each other, after spending an afternoon together and both of us feel the same about the attraction there.. it was hard at times but rewarding not to give in to that baser instinct. Meantime, I got a very cranky response from the eventual sms which I sent GF telling her when I couldn't reach her earlier that I'd gone to see something with Angel.
I'm a little fed up with her occasionally swinging between trying to push me at him one minute and the next, trying to get me to promise to give up my friendship with him altogether and swear to a 2007 without speaking to him at all. I really do think she draws too many paralells between Angel and Scuba. There are resemblances, but that's where it ends. I think Angel even at his age, (far younger than Scuba) is much more mature though he does moodswing and get things a little confused himself, he's not as completely selfish as Scuba.
Angel and I discussed it (he knows GF and had met her before he met me, at a party, and drunkenly kissed her once when he was fighting with his girlfriend of the time.. not classy, granted but freely admitted). His outlook was that perhaps she is jealous, even of our friendship. The impression I get from him is that he is really not a fan of her (he's been pretty steady in that) and that he really doesn't have much patience for her mercurical outbursts (she once drunkenly followed him out of the pub to abuse him for stuffing me around... I pointed out and he granted, she was just trying to look out for me at the time, but it was fairly public and embarassing .. I don't think he'll be forgiving her for butting in any time soon). I know it was disloyal to have the conversation with him about her, but I really don't trust her when she's in one of her funny moods not to try to meddle again even if she means well. If he knows what she's been up to lately it's less likely to have as much effect.
So, since our catch up, I've been in a 2 day friend-drought as the others have all been busy. I've found myself at a bit of a loose end. I was tempted to call GF, except I knew she'd probably still be rather dark about Boxing Day. This itself bugged me because I've often tolerated last minute cancellations or early disappearances for the sake of her wanting to spend time with Scuba. I hadn't left her high and dry - she had company - I was only a possibly tag along (and a reluctant one at that). So I'm not too inclined to have my head chewed off for it or have her chew my ear off about Angel (I've already made it pretty clear that I'm not interested in having her tell me to cut contact with him but she is like a dog with a bone at the moment).
I've finished painting the kitchen, and covering up my disastrous test-paint of raspberry in the spare room with an equally disastrous "London Fog" but it's not quite so vivid. YYUP thus has been my life the past few days. :) On the plus side, Max is over the moon and will go through withdrawal when I am back at work.
Ok so work lunch turned into a few drinks & few more with some of the people who've started in the past year and I got a bit silly-giggly. :) It was a fun afternoon but I'm sure I'll hear about it later from my manager as I really didn't place myself as being a responsible mature HR person like she was expecting. I got home around 7:30pm that evening on my last bus and don't remember the busride home *wince*. Somehow I managed to stop for sushi and pineapple juice on the way home and when I got home I nibbled on sushi & drank the juice, curling up in front of a dvd that I don't remember at all. We got Gilligan drunk. He was kind of cute and out of his shell and clueless. I still have no idea if he's interested - I'm not about to hassle a guy if the attention is unwanted!! Meantime a guy who I've talked about before and probably called him Stallion (as in Italian Stallion in his own mind)... confessed to me while very very drunk that he had a fetish for feet, and then went on to confess something that he likes in the bedroom (oh boy) .. he also propositioned me which didn't get him ANYWHERE. I deflected the conversation by confessing that my last ex boyfriend once told me my feet looked like aliens were trying to bust out of them each respectively and he laughed that hard he fell off the couch we were sitting on.
Tonight, one of the new ladies at work had invited one of the temps and I over for dinner at her place (I've never been to her house before). Tonight ended up being quite an interesting night, two of her other friends were there including one woman who I've worked with before (but I never really warmed to back then and still iffy now) .. a lovely dinner though and afterwards on such a balmy night, we sat outside in A's courtyard soaking in the breeze and drinking water or wine respectively (water for me as I was driving) smelling the sandlewood sticks that she had burning to chase away the mosquitoes.
I left with Temp at around 9:30 pm to have an early night. I realised around that time that Angel had sms'd asking where I was as he was rethinking catching up with his friends and wanted to come and see me and spend the evening with me. wtf.. ? We've been chatting more over the past few days with him ringing up quite cutely drunk on Thurs night asking me for advice on his career, but again on Friday asking me for advice during the day. Friday was a rush to get all the paperwork for the increases through to accounts so that we could leave for the lunch.
SO anyway being Christmas Eve and pathetically (I know) missing any kind of closeness in my life and feeling a little closer to him of late I did tell him I could be up to catching up shortly ..but he'd since gone out as his sms was a while ago and he's about to head home for the evening. I didn't take the bait but wished him a good night.
The house is already hot - it's going to be a rather warm night for sleeping. Tomorrow's predicted temperature is around 33degrees celcius, Boxing Day is predicted at 36 degrees and Wednesday is supposed to hit around 39 or 40 degrees. EEK. My house will be stinking hot by the end of the week - when several hot days string together the bricks seem to absorb and hold on to the heat. ICK.
Those of you who think living in the hot weather over Christmas is glam, errr that's ok if you have a pool or plan to head to the beach (which, btw, had a shark warning today to clear out of the water one of the girls told me tonight). Otherwise, pray for airconditioning or dream about snow! ;) Merry Christmas everyone.
SO just for something different, Angel asks if he can come over to catch up. We used to have late night chats at his old place, where we'd sit up drinking tea into the night (it wasnt always about s*x!!) .. I miss that since he's moved to the other side of the city from me. NOW he tries to suggest catching up but "OH he's so busy" he tries to catch up late at night. Uh huh. I'm not falling for that any more. He claims it's in line with our old friendship but then raves about the great physical connection between us. I'm not stupid.
SO, although there's definitely some kind of friend connection, some kind physical connection too, I was reading a bit of information from Why, posted on Shelbie's blog and it rang fairly clearly of Angel, not that my interest in the article was totally self obsessed (rolling eyes at myself)... poor Shelbie, and the guy is clearly stark raving nuts - she's intelligent and georgous. I think he must be retarded....
To be fair, (anyhoo back to Angel!) he's also got this silly low self esteem side to him, but I won't be used as his self esteem puffer. SO, why do I blog about him so much? Because of the first two points, I get lonely at times (admitted under anonymity only but it's human), and because I've been majorly hooked up on him in the past oh and he's hott and won't let go of contacting me (or vice versa). It's twisted I should end it... but part of me would really like to have a genuine friend-connection with him. Who knows if it's possible.
NOW finally... to the point. It was his birthday yesterday. I'd last week told him I probably wouldn't be doing anything and if he ended up plan-less to swing by for one of our chilled out catch ups. When I hadn't heard from him until Monday I figured I was safe to make plans with my best friend's wife as she shares a birthday with Angel. I got an sms late yesterday afternoon early evening I get an sms from him saying he's out briefly with friends but would like to see me. Pathetically, part of me was thrilled that he wanted to see me on his birthday. Part was cynically betting there was a more selfish motivation and that he was going to lead into a suggestion of a late night visit or trying to bait me into inviting him to stay the night. NUH UH.
Meantime as I'd worked so late, L (my friend's wife) suggested we postpone catching up so I can have an early night just as I was about to tell him I had plans. SO I responded saying it could be good but it depended how late he was thinking of. After he suggested he'd be over before 10, I could play dumb and think it was possibly for an old cup of tea like before but I was dubious and still a bit cynical. SO i didn't wait with baited breath, but embarassingly I did primp.. a little. *WINCE* (being completely honest here). 10:10pm. Nothing. SO I sms him straight away saying "Hi, I'm going to bed now, have a great evening & great birthday" and kill the idea. My point earlier in asking about a late time was to force him to realise I wouldn't be a late night booty call. Sure enough I get an sms at 10:45 in the evening "just going home now..." uh huh. I ignored that like it deserved with disgust and a bit of anger even though it COULD have been meant innocently and not fishing for an invite.
Today, I did not contact him at all. It helped that I was so busy doing paperwork for everyones' rate reviews. At around 5:15pm today I get an email "Hi, sorry I didn't contact you before now - I think I've had one of the worst days at work in a LONG time - it's been a crazy week. A shame I couldn't make it yesterday and sorry your other plans fell through - what happened to them? How're things with you?" the anger seeped out of me a little. I was quick to assure him I didn't cancel my plans for him and told him what the story was and didn't even go there on the timing of his last sms. He'll get the message. I'm staying strong. I offered to lend the ear of a friend (me that is) if he needed one about his work dramas. I'm in HR after all!
So .. outsiders' perspectives from what little I've described.. confused depression-riddled puppy (who's been treated for sleep appnea) or narcisstic self absorbed twat? you know what, no don't worry, I'm through even thinking on it any more than I have. I need help if this is the most healthy male friendship other than married guys, that I have. (oh and the friendship with my long term ex defacto when we occasionally do still catch up - he, myself and his current defacto)
Congrats - TIME Magazine voted you "Person of the Year"! What's your acceptance speech?
My mother for being a good friend, my sister for keeping me level and burying the competitors' bodies, my dad for believing in me, my brother for his humour and for rigging the votes!
.. while Max continues to terrorise me with late night presents of flying cockroaches desperately trying to escape his clutches, on my wilted top bedsheet while I pray for an ounce of a breeze through my window at night, mum worries and tries to hide it, and hides a wobbly lip praying that her cat will show up. No, no sign yet and it's heart sickening. It wasn't that long ago that my previous cat which I tried to give a home, was chased off by that harpie of a woman next door (Feral #1 previously named) who is trying to be pally with me now.
Max is going crazy being housebound in the heat. It's gotten up to 37 degrees approx 80% humidity. YEEOWCH it's been impossible to get to sleep at night with the oppressive heat emnating out of the walls. Made even more so by a cat who is going stircrazy not wanting to be locked inside. He scales the screens inside, runs over my head while I'm sleeping, chews on my toes and deposits cockroaches on my bedclothes. Having said that, I'd rather he was inside with me, as selfish as that is.
Meantime, I have to confess right now I'm loathing our summer. Give me our normal up to 40-43 degree celcius DRY heat and I cope. The muggy heat seems to crawl through the poores of the bricks of my home and there is nowhere I can escape from it. I need airconditioning. I can't afford airconditioning. I WILL be able to afford airconditioning - next year when my pay increase kicks in! YIPPEEE!
I'm thrilled. I've been granted an $8k pay increase, effective from 4th Jan 07. Oh boy I've been preparing too many pay tables for all of the OTHERS receiving pay increases and worked back til around 7pm.. can you tell by my lingo?
:) Well, I'm thrilled. I wish it was kicking in NOW but I'm still thrilled :)
Other than my usual "I loved it". MM GF sat through a preview, both relating FAR too much to Kate's character, who is totally besotted with someone who doesn't care for her back. I can't say I'm totally besotted any more or that I would bawl if Angel announced that he was engaged... (or buy him an expensive first edition of a book he loves! he's getting bupkis for his birthday tomorrow) but there were certainly similarities. With the guy one minute smoozing up to her and emailing her gushily the next minute being totally unavailable (obviously due to an unwillingness to commit to her or really get involved WITH HER ..yes I get the message myself - already did). GF being in her post-Scuba emailing the pic of his latest conquest mood, was self loathingly drawing a very clear comparison between herself and this character.
I have to say in both our defenses, we've both been in the shoes of Cameron Diaz's character as we're both firey, and no matter how much we take we'll both eventually pressure-cooker up to a full blown foul mood and let loose. I think she's forgotten she has that side to her too. :)
ANYHOO as you can see, both of us found sections we could relate to. I've already convinced myself that I'd moved on enough to make room in my life for the possibility of a nice guy. Doesn't matter how much I do a nice-guy dance (instead of rain dance) or wish for it, I'm not bad enough to go out hunting but ...nothing's appeared and meantime the very charming but total lad, Angel has continued to be around, as a loyal friend if nothing else.
SO. The movie. Fantastic performances and I was totally envious of Cameron in her seduction scene (of the new love interest). It brought back memories.. unfortunately all of them stale! ;)
INFAMOUS
I went to see this take on the Capote tale, about a week ago. Again, fantastic intriguing performances, plenty of laughs, tears and sickening heartache stifled as well - I felt the rollercoaster of emotions, but wow talk about a young Marlon Brando performance by Mr Bond! and that was before I checked out Casino Royale which just cinched my opinion further. Sandra Bullock also put aside her vanity to play the gawky authoress who is his best friend from Capote's childhood. Daniel Craig's performance as the murderer on death row is stunning in it's rawness. But I'm biased but the perve too true.
Who would you like to kiss under the mistletoe?
Submitted by EmmyAngua.
Most sadly/pathetically, and admitted under total anonymity, ... ok the imagined ones - Clive Owen or the new BOND ..James BOND.. (rrrrowrrrrl!!), in reality? Angel, under different circumstances. But a Bailey's kiss. MMM. Both have a sip of Baileys (or other fave liquer) and then tentatively french kiss. DELUXE. Not been tried on Angel. Don't plan to. At one stage I'd have said DarkHorse or Gilligan but meh... both crushes have dissipated. Oh, the new cutie manager at work (in a fantastical world where he was not married).
- Angel - he's been away this weekend after sending me this quirky, but sweet little email on friendship and "though crap may part us, we'll always come back together" kind of email with two cartoon characters with hearts on them hugging, sent directly to me on Friday. This weekend, he's been away south of the state by about 4 hours, to his mother's house to help her pack up his father's things before selling up and moving out to something smaller and to move on. His father died of cancer in a shocked unexpected twist for him and his family soon after finding out, about 2 years ago. I got devastated phone calls and sms's from him during the whole ordeal at the time. He later described to me with tears in his eyes, seeing his father in the hospice, and I won't describe what he did but it wasn't nice. At least it was quick. But is that a good thing. Less time to be afraid, to watch your family suffer while you do, but less time to try to grasp on to life? Anyhow I digress. Angel is probably feeling more than a little fragile and usually does around this time of year. His birthday is on Tuesday too the poor thing. His father's is about 4 or so days after his, just before Christmas. THEN he has NYE to try to be chirpy on. Part of me in past years especially but even now, always wants to give him a hug, hold on to him and make him feel better. It won't help though and it isn't what he needs it's what I've needed in wanting to make him feel better so I don't any more. I did when he first came back... but I knew that it didn't mean anything to him other than a warm pair of arms to reassure him while he cried. At the time I adored him so I let it go as not caring that he didn't feel the same. Stupid. I should've just been his friend. I was getting drunk 2am sobbing calls after he'd been out drinking asking me to pick him up. ah well. He is possibly coming to dinner on Tues night (I invited him as a friend and a friend only). GF has lately been trying to encourage me to cut all contact & ties with him whatsoever as she tends to associate him in her better/worst moments with Scuba and Scuba is persona-wanna-be-rose-fertiliser right now. Angel on the other hand has been more steadfast about his general opinion of my friendship with GF and it's not been flattering for her.
- Gilligan - I'm still not convinced we have anything in common, but he's sweet, tall and cute. Considering him a friend. I don't have many platonic male friends so this will be novel. (ohh boy that made me sound like a tramp! I meant, no male friends who i've NEVER been intimate with. They either don't trust me to let me in past a certain point friendways or they do and erm.. things happen if we're in the slightest attracted to each other). He's possibly joining GF and I with his german friend who is visting, for NYE.
- DarkHorse - been back in contact with him again recently. GF not so strangely, has been pushing for me to catch up with him lots. I still think she has a crush on him herself but can't get a handle on him and if she thought she could get away with it she'd ask me for his number again. My crush for him is more or less dead as a doornail. That whole crappy experience on my birthday well and truly killed it. I'd like to be his friend, but he's a compulsive flirt. I don't think I'll go out of my way to actively cultivate that one too much. Tempted to even just give GF the number but part of me is still offended over the events of my bday and would rather chew my own arm off out of sheer bloody mindedness. The ironic thing is she drinks like a FISH and there is no way he would tolerate it in a relationship so it's doomed without even starting, (that's if he's even interested in her like that).
My friendship with GF .. she's back to gushing about how much she truly loves me as a closest friend. UH HUH. I still remember how I got blown off around Aug-October I have a very good memory of it actually. I learnt my lesson but I still do love her (as a friend, affectionately) but I won't be hurt like that again. We were meant to have been best friends.
I had one of those scary moments, recognising that my mum is actually getting old. I mean old not older. I was sitting with her at her computer yesterday, setting up her printer driver on her home computer. While we were sitting there looking at her computer, I noticed her head very visibly wobbling around quite fraily on her neck. Oh boy. I associate that kind of thing with 90 year old ladies! She was like one of those kids toy bobbly things with the bobbing heads that people stick on dashboards of cars. :(
She was also sounding like an older lady. Unless she'd been tying into the wine before I showed up, that is plausible but I hope not true as it was only just on midday when I arrived and she lives alone. But I think I'd prefer that over her turning into a querelous frail unsteady old dear. Someone needs to tell her she's not allowed to get old. I dare NOT tell her what I thought I'd seen as, in her better days she'd be hurt and offended at the observation.
The one thing she always admired her own mother for was for being a tough little lady who took care of herself in her own apartment right up until the end. That's the way mum wants things for herself - her worst fear is something like alzheimers - it scares the bejeebers out of her and the Notebook (movie) really unsettled her at the end.
